Thursday, October 21, 2010

Day 284 - Reflections

I’m sitting here tonight in my rocking chair listening to Love Came Down. It’s a nice comfortable place to be. This week has been very busy and I still have work tomorrow and Saturday morning. The good news is that I don’t have to be at work until 8AM tomorrow morning. So that’s only a 5:45 wake up. It’s one of those nights when I could just sit for a long time and just reflect on my life with Julia and all the love that we had together. I will do this for just a few minutes, then it’s time to look forward. I was emailing back and forth with Biddie this morning and she was saying how much Penny in the movie reminded her of Julia and the way that she attacked life. I agreed. It did remind me of her too. But that’s not my focus or my mood tonight.

As I listen to the album, I think of some of the quieter times that we had together. I remember in Hawaii there was a season when every Friday night we would go to this one restaurant on the other side of the island. Just the two of us would go, have dinner and then stay and listen to this singer who was one of our favorites. We would listen to him for a couple of hours, sipping on some wine and eating popcorn. We were just enjoying each other and the moment. Never regret taking those special moments with your special someone. They are what make memories. There were other times later in life when we would go by ourselves to Chastain Park to concerts. I love being with friends, but sometimes the special times alone make the best memories.

Memories are OK, and sometimes you need just to pause, step back and remember where you have come from before you charge the hill again to get to where you are going. I had 38+ wonderful years with a wonderful woman. Not many people can say that. I am so blessed to have two lovely daughters, two wonderful son in laws and four precious granddaughters. I’m so blessed to have a strong relationship with my God, and to have the passion and desire of someone much younger. I’m blessed to have good health and the ability to do most of what I want to do. I thank God for all the blessings that He has given me.

I don’t know if I would have any of this if it hadn’t been for Papa arranging the marriage with that beautiful young blond. I know that we weren’t seeking His face then, but I still believe that He divinely put us together. In many ways, she is the springboard to the next step in my life. It’s like we rode together in space until her race was run and she set off the booster rocket to take me farther into places that only I would walk into. Sometimes it’s very lonely, but as Capt Kirk said; “I go boldly where no man has ever gone before”. Well, other men might have walked this way before, but I haven’t, and probably wouldn’t if Julia was still here.

But she is not here, not in the flesh anyway. So, I do choose to move forward because that is the way she would have liked it. So as I take this little pause tonight, I do it knowing that there will be no pause in my passion or my desire to step into all things new. I know that because that’s who I am, it’s who we were. I am someone who embraces change, and so was she. Change is inevitable, and it’s change that I am in the midst of. Change in almost every area of my life. I didn’t want this change, and I didn’t cause it, but it is here now, so I choose to embrace it. I embrace it all.

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