Doing a Double

The last day of May! Tomorrow is June first and summer is rushing in like a river that breaches its dam. It feels like summer, I just went outside on the screen porch to write but it was to hot and muggy. So here I am back in my rocker as usual. I really do like summer better than winter except for one thing. I would love to be sitting here by the fire in my rocker. I tend to write better by the fire. I guess that will be a few months, if I survive until then. Anyway, I am just glad to be here tonight. Today I worked a double shift. It was unlike most of the double shifts I have worked in the past because I had to teach both periods and it went from 5Am this morning until 7PM tonight. Yes, I did have an hour and a half off for lunch so it wasn’t that bad. But still it was a 14-hour day. I didn’t see how Jennifer works the hours she works as a nurse. My work was a lot easier and less stressful than hers but I was still worn out.

If I recall, it’s the first time in over four years that I have ever done a double like that. I certainly wouldn’t recommend it. It definitely leads to a long day and night. But here I am, sitting at my laptop, waiting for an inspired word from Papa. But tonight I think He is calling me to dig deep into my heart for something that He has given me. As I reflect on all that he has given me, I think one of the biggest gifts that I have from Him is the ability to see Him for who He is, even when circumstances would try to push me down and away from all that He is trying to accomplish. I can be in a dark storm that is affecting almost everything around me, and within five minutes be at total piece even though the circumstances have not changed. He has taught me, and developed within me the ability live above the storms. Sure, I sometimes find myself down in the middle of them., but for the most part, I can soar above the storms.

So whether I gain the victory by relaxing in the midst of trials, or I just look past the situations, the truth is that I am going to overcome. It’s like David. Before He became the slayer of Goliath, He had slain a lion and bear. Each of these were just as important. I have overcome many little things. I have had my lion and bear experience. Now it is time to go after Goliath. He is going to be in there, but I have a greater power at my side. The Holy Spirit is our guide and our comforter. He will lead us into the freedom that we haven’t experienced. But in order for Him to lead us, we have to learn to hear Him and then to obey. Obedience is the currency of heaven. But it’s obedience without an agenda.

It’s the obedience in the little things that lead to victory in the big things. Once we have seen God move in our lives, we can have the vision that He can move in our lives again. The funny thing is that He usually doesn’t move in the same way that we think He will. No, He does things that are certainly unexpected in our lives. So, when we continue to obey in the small things, He will continue to teach us and show us how to be standing later when the world about us seems to be shaking. It’s good to be at peace, no matter what the circumstances. Jesus is the giver of the peace and no circumstance can shake that peace if you keep your focus on Him and His love.

So, I am grateful to have been able to work a double today. I am so thankful for my health and life. I am very thankful for the job that he has given me to help provide for all my needs and many of my wants. I am extra thankful that He understands and loves ne even when I blow it. His peace sustains me in the midst of all my trials and triumphs.

A Perfect Day?

Can there be a perfect day? If so, what would that look like? I think that a perfect day would mean many different things to many different people. What would a perfect day look like to you? I’m just thinking about this because I had such a good day today that it might be considered to be perfect, if there is such a thing. The funny thing is this. What might be a perfect day in this season of my life might not even rate the top ten in another season, So all of this is very subjective and subject to much thought. But the question still remains, what is a perfect day? Well right now in this season of my life, I think I almost had one. The only thing more perfect was to have had some time with all of my family.

We have been at Lake Lanier with Bud and Cathy at their lake house. Mike and Tonya were there too. It was a beautiful day, and almost perfect day for a Memorial Day holiday. I got up at 8 and had coffee down on the dock with Sheryl. We listened to all the birds and watched the sun come up over the trees. We spent an hour down there just talking and watching the lake come to life. Then we all got together for breakfast. After breakfast, we all went down to the dock. We got on their big float that is tethered to the dock with a long rope. That was just total relaxation and we probably stayed on it for over an hour. Then we swam for a while. During this time Bud and Mike had gone to Auto Zone to buy another battery for the boat. We had tried to start it yesterday, and the battery was bad. So anyway, we got a battery so then we all took a boat ride.

I love flying airplanes; everything seems orderly and controlled. In most cases it is. Driving a boat on a lake is another matter; especially on a holiday weekend. It was like a bowl of total chaos. But it was a lot of fun. Bud was our driver and he did a great job. We were just along for the ride, and that was so much fun, not having to be in control or in charge. Maybe that is part of why it was so perfect. We were just along for the ride. We were sort of left alone, but included as well. We had no responsibilities. That’s probably the first time in a long time when that was ever the case.

For lunch we had Kabobs that were to die for. A Thai peanut dipping sauce took the kabobs over the top. Once lunch was over we were back on the raft floating and sunning ourselves. All we did was talk and think about the future. It was as if every care in the world just sort of melted away. Maybe that had a lot to do with making it seem like a perfect day. I do know that being with friends is important. And today was just such a great day in every area.

Of course, it helps to be in love. I am always amazed every time I spend more time with Sheryl. She truly is a gift from God to me and I can’t wait for the girls to meet her. So I guess I might have answered my question. At this time in my life, a perfect day would be one that was filled with family, friends and those you love. It would be a day that was so carefree that all of your cares were just washed away. It would be a day that you could see and almost touch God’s glory. Yes, today was almost perfect. I’m not sure if it can ever be totally perfect, but almost perfect is still very good. I would like to have more of them. You know what? I think that I am going to have more very soon. Yes, I know that God is good. Do you?

One Adjustment Away

I watched a movie tonight. For the most part it was very forgettable. In fact, I just finished watching it and I can’t remember the name. It was kinda cute, but very slow. It did have one great line in the movie. It was toward the end and the guy gave the girl a can of play doe. He then told the story of the guy who invented play Doe.

The guy owned a factory that made a sticky paste that was used to clean factory smoke stacks. The guy was very successful until the factories began to switch from wood burning fires to gas fires. Then the smoke stacks didn’t need cleaning and there was no need for his sticky paste. He was going under when his sister came to him with an idea. She showed him that her son liked squeezing his sticky paste much better than he did regular clay. She told her brother that he should sell the sticky paste to kids. He changed the process, put different colors in the sticky paste and marketed it as Play Doe. It has been around ever since.

So here is the line from the movie: ”In life, you are just one adjustment away from success.” In many ways, I think that there is a lot of truth in that statement. Personally I think that adjustment comes by living life “facing forward” and not looking back. If we live in the past, we never learn to move life into the future. But by living facing forward, we can take what was from our past and move it into the future. But by adapting it, we can make it better and more useful.

So, where are you right now? Is it time to make some adjustment? Never be afraid of change. It’s only through adjustments that we continue to walk in victory as we move through life. Who knows, maybe the next adjustment will bring total success and freedom.

Freedom

What does Freedom look like to you? Does it look like a flag flying and a parade of soldiers marching down the street? Or is it men and women able to vote like they like even when it seems that they are doing the wrong thing and we are headed for ruin in a system that often watches and does nothing? There are many ways to define freedom and even more ways to stop it from reaching it’s full potential.

Tonight I am focusing on what freedom is when you think of religion or better yet, ministry as you move into what you have been called into. Some people would say that freedom is the ability to do what you want. That will work in most situations, but to expand on that definition, you have to be willing to think out of the box a little bit. It’s true that freedom is the ability to go after anything you want, but I believe it is more. I believe that freedom is much more than that. I believe that the big fraud is made when you water freedom down to “doing what you want”.

No, the true test of freedom is the ability to do what you want, but the sense to not do it. For example in the School of Ministry, we don’t have many rules. No it is about how you choose to act with out rules that are important. So in the school, we give a freedom to fail as well as a freedom to succeed. Not that is true freedom! So in my view, true freedom exist when you are free to act totally in violation of your own best interest.

Many men and women have died over the years protecting our right for true freedom. On Monday, we will honor them. Memorial Day is just that, a time to honor the dead. It’s not a celebration of life, but of honoring the dead. In that regard it should be a sober event. I know it is a three day holiday. Shoot, I am taking advantage of it too. I just wish that more people would worry about the real meaning of the office side. Today as we pause to celebrate our freedom, please remember to understand that your ability to fail without punishment. John Maxwell talk’s about “falling forward.” That approach without the punishment of failure would be true freedom. We have it. If you don’t have it, go to a place that it exists. You chant tend to walk into margin years.

Long Day

It’s been a great day, and I have been up almost 21 straight hours so I am mot going to try to write tonight. I’ll see everybody tomorrow.
Goodnight
Tom

How do You Live?

What is important to you in your life? For some reason I was thinking about that tonight. I guess it’s because I am going to have family all over the nation. Sheryl’s son is in California; her daughter is in Atlanta; Lisa will be in Alaska and Jennifer will be in South Florida. It’s a good thing I do work for an airline. I couldn’t afford to go see them all. But back to my original question; How do you live? In other words, what is most important to you in life? To many people that question is easy to answer. They do it every day. They are slaves to their work, and getting that next promotion means more to them than anything. It’s easy to be like that.

Personally, I never thought that it was the case for me, but then after I retired, I realized how much my personality and worth was tied up in me being a Captain with Delta. It’s interesting how Papa used many different circumstances to heal me in that area. Some of it was discipline, but even that was His love and grace. So today, I am not the same person that I was even two or three years ago. That is a good thing. My focus had to change. You become what you focus on, and I had to shift my focus on what I could do to what He wanted to do. It took a little more time than I anticipated, but it did happen.

So we have to ask ourselves almost daily; where is my focus today? What am I putting ahead of you, Papa? And How do I prioritize every aspect of my life? A lot of it has to do with priorities. My first and foremost priority had to be with Father, Son and Holy Spirit. They have to have the inner circle of my life. My second priority has to be my wife, lover, partner friend. She has a spot that has to be kept safe for her and her alone. This is and area that I will have to work on over time as I move into the next phase of life. Then come my children and grand children. After that will come my job and all that comes with it. Almost in the same circle is the ministry that I have been called to.

Notice here, became this is a big point. God is in the first circle, but my ministry to Him is the 4th circle. That is what I mean by what everything looks like. The bad news is that it is so easy to violate these areas and get things mixed up. I learned a great lesson and I don’t allow these levels of commitment to violate each other as much as I used to. The key is keeping everyone in their proper tent.

I know that as I transition, He will use me in ways that I haven’t imagined. It’s exciting to know all that He is about to do, even though I don’t have any desire to go back to where I was. It’s always time to move forward. Well, it’s late for me, but I would love pray more for those on your who are new to this process. It is what life is really all about: choices and how we will relate to them. I’ve made a lot of choices in the past few days, what are your choices.

500 Days

It’s really hard to believe. I mean that tonight marks my 500th straight day of blogging. That’s right, tonight is post number 500. What’s even more amazing is that I haven’t missed a night. Sure, I’ve posted many after midnight. And the days when I was in Australia were different, but I made up the day that I lost going over by doing two when I came back. So here I am tonight on number 500.

As I reflect back on those days, many were filled with grief and pain. But in that grief and pain there was always the truth that God is good and He gives good gifts to those He loves. There were many nights when I started off sad and ended very happy. Happy to be able to walk in the light of His love. His love has sustained me through out the early days, and His love has pushed me deeper as time has gone by. I know that many of my post have not been very good. But I also know that many of them have been very good. I’ve been told that I should use them to write a book, and I think that is an idea that is worth looking at. My problem is one of having enough time to pull it all together.

I can only gage the success of my blog by what impact it has made on my life. I know it has helped others, but that is hard to quantify. But I look at where I was, and now I see where I am and even more, where I am going. When I look at that, I can judge this venture a success. Funny thing about grief, it seems to morph with time. I am not sure it ever goes away, but there is a time where you take control over it instead of it controlling you. That’s what I had to do, but it takes time. Grief is like a wild horse. You can’t just tame it instantly. You have to have little victories until you can go take over the reigns without even thinking. I know that writing this blog was a very big help in taking control. It’s like I could just download all my feelings without dumping on my family. There is something about the written word that is at the same time powerful and not personal. So I was able to tell deep personal feelings without really going into any harsh time of seeking other’s permission.

I have come from a grieving widower whose dreams were shattered and shipwrecked to a man who loves life and is living His dream of helping equip and train this next generation. I’ve gone from a man who never thought He would ever be able to love deeply again, to a man who has a deep passion and love for another, contrary to anything I ever thought would or could happen. God and His love has so filled me that I can’t help but give it away to someone else. When Julia died, I felt that I would never love another. I really felt that I had no room in my heart for anyone else. And now, here I am so in love with Sheryl that it just doesn’t make sense. God has shown me that I have a great capacity for love and He wants that love released. So, 500 days later, I am in love again. Like I said earlier, Sheryl will never replace Julia because she doesn’t have to, I have the ability to love Sheryl for who she is just as I loved Julia for who she was.

So, here after 500 days and nights, I am the same, but I am so different. In many ways when the door opened at the end of the school year and my year of transition ended, it was like when I walked through that door, I walked into another time, another life as it were. Many things are the same, and will be. But so many are completely different. I’ve always said change is inevitable, but I didn’t realize it could come so fast and so painlessly.

So, where do I go from here? Do I keep blogging? I’m not sure. I don’t want to do it just because it has become a part of my life, even though it has. I will write as long as I have something to say, but I’m not sure I will try to make another 500 days in a row. For one thing, I have more to keep me occupied. For those of you who didn’t’ know, Sheryl and I are engaged, and will be married sometime this summer. It will be a small simple ceremony, and I might write about it, but I might not. When fall comes, and school starts back I am going to be very busy. I already am interviewing first year students, and that is a lot of fun. With a new wife and school, I might not have time to blog every day. If I change format, I might change web sites so that it can be sent to those who want it immediately after I write it and they don’t have to check every day to see if there has been any posts.

500 days, and His goodness continues to amaze me. He has given me special gifts in friends and now especially in a new partner and friend. This I do know; we will pursue after His presence at least as hard as Julia and I did. I think He likes that.

Dreaming

What do you dream about? Do you dream about things or events? Or do you dream about life in a different setting? I know that I have had many dreams about many different things. I don’t think any of these dream areas are wrong, they just show us where our heart is focused. I know that before Delta hired me and when I wasn’t flying, I dreamed constantly of flying again. So I guess that is where my heart was focused. So looking about where your dreams are focused really give you an insight into your heart.

Most of my dreams the past few years have been dreams of seeing people healed and set free. They are dreams of seeing the Kingdom expanded, so I know that my focus has been on the Kingdom. But right now my dreams are mixed. I still dream of seeing people healed, and helping lead this next generation into their destiny. That is still the same. But I am also dreaming of life again. I’m dreaming of travel and ministry in partnership with another person. I never knew that I could dream like that again.

The Kingdom of God covers so much territory. I believe that the dreams one has can propel you into destiny. I know that my destiny is wrapped up in this new dynamic. I am happy with that because I have seen what God wants to do through us over these next years. So, what are your dreams? It’s easy to say that you don’t know. That’s the easy answer, but it is usually a lie. Don’t be ashamed of your dreams. We shouldn’t measure them against the dreams of another. This isn’t a contest and dreams are just an indication of what your calling is for the present time. It doesn’t mean that it is your life’s work.

I believe dreams are like a light that shows the next step. Just because your dreams are different doesn’t mean that they are wrong. Quite the contrary, they are clues to where you are and where you are going. They are an exciting piece of the puzzle of life and destiny. If you are open to the Holy Spirit, he can change your dreams. It’s His idea anyway to help us to reach the 21st century. Yes I know that we are in the 22hd century, but some of us have to go slow to understand. That’s OK.

So in conclusion, don’t be afraid to dream, and don’t be afraid to share your dreams. We are all in process, and by sharing your dreams, Holy Spirit can open you up to the next level. We live in exciting times and Papa just wants us to let Him love on us. AS He loves, our dreams change and mature. I can’t wait to see you all and how much you have been changed.

Planting Flowers

It’s been a busy week and it only get’s busier. I worked six days in a row last week, then I was off on Friday and mow I am in the middle of seven straight days. The good news is that I have Saturday, Sunday and Monday off. Oh well, only four more days now. I was just thinking about all the people who were thinking that the rapture was going to happen. I know that they are disappointed and I hope that they can find true peace in knowing that God truly loves them. None of us really know what God is up to; especially in the end times. If we did, we would be God. I know that’s not the fact.

Last Friday on my day off, Sheryl and I planted some flowers in the front and back yard. The yard was definitely in need of some tender loving care. We went to Wal-Mart and bought the flowers and some potting soil. We then spent the rest of the day planting and putting out pine straw. The yard looks a lot better. It was the first time in a long time that I enjoyed doing anything in the yard. I know the backyard was glad to see someone besides me giving it some care.

It’s amazing how much fun something can be when you are doing it with someone you like. It’s a lot like that in worship and prayer. If you are doing these things alone and out of a need to do them, then they can be very dull and very hard to do. On the other hand, if you like hanging out with Holy Spirit, they can be a lot of fun. They are fun because you are doing them with someone you like.

So we got the flowers planted, but then I wasn’t home all weekend except late at night so they almost died because I wasn’t there to water them. It’s not enough just to plant flowers. No, you have to be there to care for them, or at least have a friend come care for them. I hope that the ones in the front survive. They were in the worst shape because they get more of the hot afternoon sun.

Intimacy is cultivated. You have to work at it. A relationship, whether it is with a person or with God, requires constant attention. It has to be watered, otherwise it withers and dies when it is put under the hot sunlight of life. But if you maintain your relationship with God, then the overflow of His love in you can help fuel your relationships with others. Relationships need a high priority if they are going to blossom. You can’t just expect one to flourish if you are not willing to pay a price. That price is usually time. It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship; the price is always time. But if you want to keep the relationship growing then you are more than willing to give the time.

Time together, that’s what fuels the passion of love. This is the same in the spiritual as it is in the natural. In order to know Papa, we have to spend time with him. It is time well spent and He has the ability to multiply it so that you can still get all of your work done. Planting flowers, yes it was fun doing it together. But everything is fun when you do it with someone you love. That’s what Papa wants of us. He wants us to be so in love with Him that everything we do together is fun. The key word in any relationship is together. It’s not good to be alone.

Fruitfulness comes from Intimacy,

Fruitfulness: Producing fruit. b. Conducive to productivity; causing to bear in abundance: fruitful soil. 2. Producing something in abundance; prolific:

It’s good to be fruitful. It’s good to be able to reproduce. But how do we become fruitful? Do we work hard and stay disciplined? That’s what religion would tell us. Work; work; work; that is the mantra of the religious, both in the church and in the world. But that’s not really the truth, is it? No, the truth is that fruitfulness comes from intimacy.

Think about it for a minute. One of the best things to remember is to look at what is going on in the natural. I know that if we look at the natural we we able to discern a lot about the spiritual. In the natural, fruitfulness is directly connected to Intimacy. If a Husband and wife don’t spend time with each other there will never be any fruit. It’s an easy equation. Time together means more fruitfulness, while a lack of intimacy will leave them barren, without fruit. It seems that many of us, wind up trying to work up fruitfulness instead of staying close to the Holy Spirit.

Papa wants us to be fruitful in our ministry and in all of our lives, but more than that, He wants us to walk in a deep level of intimacy with Him. He is more concerned with us and our love for Him than He is with our fruitfulness. Papa is calling us to a life of intimacy with Him and in songs that have yet to sing . Papa wants everyone to use whatever means so do .

I'm Still Here; Are You?

Well, if the Rapture happened tonight, I missed it. According to reports so did everybody else. We were thinking about going into town and at 6PM throwing piles of clothes on the ground and start screaming that the people had been taken. I’m sure it would have been fun and worth a lot of laughs.

But in reality, this is not a laughing matter. It is sad that so many people actually believed that this would happen. I know that this guy is way out there, but when I think about how many Christians are really waiting to be taken out in a “lifeboat” as it were from a dying and depraved world it frightens me. How can we think that we will be taken away when we have been called to be salt and light on the earth? Didn’t Jesus tell us to preach make disciples of ALL nations? How ca we do that if we are taken out? We can’t.

The idea of the Rapture is a late blooming idea that only came about in the last 100 years of so. The early church had no such belief. I just don’t understand it. If we are supposed to be the Bride of Christ, then it is our job to make ourselves ready for the wedding, not to escape by the skin of our teeth. Instead of waiting to be taken out, we should be advancing the Kingdom of God on the earth. The earth is not going to hell in a hand basket. No, the Church is going to get stronger and more powerful. It will continue to spread the Gospel of the Kingdom and increase in influence in every area. We are called to be a light on a hill. We don’t want all the lights taken away and the devil to regain power.

No, I refuse to believe in an eschatology that has the church running away. In fact, I believe that this list of eschatological core values from Kris Valletton really tell what I believe better than I could ever do. So here they are:
My eschatological core vales - I will not embrace an end-time view:

1) that re-empowers a disempowered devil. 


2) that destroys hope for future generations. 


3) that ignores the command to make disciples of ALL nations. 


4) that steals hope for the nations. 


5) that changes the nature of a wonderful God. 


6) that celebrates bad news as a sign of the times.

The belief in the Rapture and a Church that runs away does all these things, so I refuse to allow myself to believe that. I believe that the Church will continue to grow and increasingly release more of the presence of the Father. If it does this, we will not have to worry about quacks and being “Left Behind”. No, we will be bringing them all in. I can’t wait, God is in a very good mode.

What Fuels Your Passion?

Tonight I heard a pastor talking about how our passion should flow out of the anguish that we had for all the sin on the earth. He said that we should be weeping and crying out to God to change America. He said a lot of other things that I didn’t remember, but I did remember these. I’m sure that his heart was right, He wants to see America brought into the Kingdom of God. But I believe His emphasis is on the wrong areas.

It’s hard to listen to things like this pastor was saying because I am so much against being forced into a relationship based on guilt. I believe that passion is not based on anguish. It’s just the opposite; passion is fueled out of love. It’s out of the love that He died for our sins, not out of Anguish over the sin. If we focus on the sin, we miss most of the goodness and grace of God. We need to focus on His love, and the Fathers’ heart. When we do that we can realize how much He loves us, and how much He wants to please us.

When light is released, darkness must flee. There is no fight. Poof, it’s done and light is now open. It’s the same way with the Father’s love. Once you know it and can taste it, there is no comparison. It’s not about crying, and fasting and anguishing about the situation that our country is in with all the sin. No, it’s about bringing His presence wherever we go to make a difference. It’s about releasing His love to all that need Him, and showing them the true heart of the Father.

I love God, and I know that His love is so good. It’s much better than we think. I just want to be able to release His love wherever we go. Life with God is a party in progress. So, I want to release a party in some way, no matter we have all night.

Well, it’s late, and I have an early morning, so it’s time to get to sleep. Needless to say that tonight was very good. It just gives me some more food to chew over until our next discussion.

Looking Back and Facing Forward

I’m facing forward in life. I’m so glad for everything that is happening in my life right now. In many ways it’s like I’m young again and there is such excitement and joy at the promise of the future. I never thought that I could ever be this much alive again. There is so much that God is doing in and through me right now. I can’t even begin to explain it. But even as I live facing forward, I sometimes have to reflect on the past and all the things that have brought me to this point.

As I embark on new beginnings, I am a creation of all that is past. I am a much better man for having been married to Julia for 38 years. I learned so much about how to love and be loved. I learned how to share and how to release. I learned how to be kind and gentle while still being aggressive when the moment called for it. I think that most of all I learned to communicate.

It wasn’t easy, neither of us ever wanted to open up, and when we were mad at each other there would be a initial uproar followed by silence on both of our parts. But I leaned how to press into her, and to release my agenda to understand hers. I learned that I can’t always fix everything, but sometimes it’s OK just to understand. It’s always better to listen to feelings than to try to fix problems.

In this past year without her, I learned to appreciate life and never take it for granted. I learned that God is good, and He gives good things even in times of sorrow and grief. I also learned that there is a difference in grief and self pity. I learned to allow myself to grieve, but not to go into self pity.

So as I look at all that is going on in my life; all the new beginnings, I have to realize and give thanks from where I have come, and all that my life with Julia has taught me. Because that is the fertile ground that this new life is planted in. It is very fertile, and this new beginnings of my life will bear much fruit because of all that has gone before.

So, yes, it is alright to occasionally look back to see all that has been done in the past. It is good to reflect and allow love to wash over you. Tonight, once again, I am listening to Love Came Down. I feel like that I am in a river and there are two waterfalls, one on each side of me. The water form each is falling and commingling as it hits me. The falls represent past and present love. The Love of the Father released in different ways. It is so refreshing and good to see His hand so at work in my life.

I am very excited about all that He is doing in my life. Every area is being changed and showered with His love as I move farther and farther into my destiny. It is so good to be able to rest in His arms, knowing that He is in control. He is truly showing me His goodness. I am richly blessed!

Can You Taste It?

Have you ever been so close to something that you could almost taste it? Yet you were far enough away to realize that you still needed to keep pressing in. I remember when I was in pilot training and we were getting ready to graduate from our first jet, the T-37, and move on to the T-38. Now the T-38 is supersonic with a cruise ceiling of almost 50,000 feet. You could get that high, but you couldn’t stay very long. You only had about an hour’s worth of fuel at our training speeds. The faster you went, the faster you used up the gas. Anyway, we were still in the T-37. We had a week of flying to go, but I could almost taste being in the T-38. I could envision myself going supersonic and flying higher and faster than I ever did. I was still in the T-37, but I could almost taste the T-38.

Of course we can all think of times like that. Times when our dreams are so close, yet so far. These times are special if we learn to enjoy them. We have to learn to enjoy where we are, but embrace the sweetness of what will be. I believe that this is even more important in the Spirit. We can never choose to stop and rest. We can never be satisfied with where we are and what we have accomplished. If we are not hungry; if we cant taste the next thing and savor it’s sweetness, then we will never get to where Papa wants to take us.

Joshua and Caleb were different from the other spies that crossed over the Jordon because they could taste the land and its bounty. They saw the milk and honey and that made them hungry for more, not scared to cross over. They saw exactly the same thing as the other spies, but their focus was totally different. They were focusing on what could be, not what could stop them. In the Kingdom of God the only way to advance is to taste what is yet to come. Only by tasting it’s sweetness are we able to willingly pay the price required to actually have that next thing. Caleb in his 80’s was still dreaming and tasting the next thing. He asked for Hebron and the high country where he had to fight instead of settling for a low area where He could rest.

I want to be; no I am like Caleb. I will continue to taste all that Papa allows me to taste. He is a big God, and He sets a big table for His children. He loves to see us try new things. He is very loving and loves to see us taste everything that He sets before us. I love the honey of the Kingdom. The scripture: “Taste and see that the Lord is good” is so true. I never want to stop tasting all that is set before me. Right now, I can almost taste the gifts that He is giving me, and the sweetness is just overwhelming.

Never stop pressing in for more of the Kingdom, even when you don’t feel like it. You will never be disappointed.

Love Letters

What do you do when you get a letter (an email, text, whatever) from the one you love? You read it! You just don’t look at it and put it on the shelf. No, you read it because you want to. You read it because you want to hear every word that your lover says. You value their opinion and everything they represent. They are in love with you, and it makes you feel so good to read what they say about you. Sometimes as you read the letters, you feel that they must be talking about someone else, that it couldn’t be you. But it is you, through their eyes. That makes all the difference and we read the letter again and again because their letter begins to get inside you and build you up. It calls life and destiny into your Spirit.

What if instead of dying to read the letter to see what it said you made yourself spend an hour a day analyzing and studying the letter. Where would your love go? The more time you have to spend thinking about how the letter is structured and what this word and that word works. Can you see how stupid that would be? And yet that is what we do every day, ever week and even every hour as we have try to earn our way into all that He is calling us to.

There are two ways to read the Bible. First we can treat it for what it is a bunch of love letters from Papa. By doing this, we read when and what we desire. We can’t get away from them because we don’t want to. The second way is to just announce that you were going to read the letters an hour a day. Although you say the focus is the author, in reality the focus begins to be on the time. So many Christians are into the discipline at all

So as you go through this week, remember that it’s about relationship and not discipline Let’s be lovers who choose be together. Lovers don’t read their letters because of discipline. Neither should we read the Scriptures out of discipline. Instead, we should be reading them and pursuing Him as the ultimate lover.

Resting in His Presence

One thing that I have really learned over this past year and a half is that no matter what I am going through, no matter what trials or what incidents arise, God is always Good. I have learned that my worth is not in my job; it’s not in what people think about me or even what those who love me think about me. My worth is in what Papa thinks about me; and He loves me.

As long as I understand that and focus on His love, I can do anything, go through anything and come out not only as a survivor, but thriving. I hope that all who read this post will let Him tell you how much He loves you. I pray that His love will so overwhelm you that you want be able to stand. That is jus what He is doing for me right now. Here I am writing and the presence of God’s love is just so strong I would have a hard time talking about anything else.

I can never allow my focus to be on anything other than His love. Sure, I have to do a lot of things and many of them are not fun. Many things that we do would draw our focus off of Him if we would let it, but I won’t let it. So here I am tonight after a very busy day, just resting in His presence. I know that no matter what happens, His love surrounds me and I cannot be touched. Sure, bad things will happen to us. After all we live in a fallen world. So we have to expect things to happen.

Sometimes we can be in a position that can temporarily overwhelm us. When I begin to get overwhelmed it is usually because I haven’t kept my focus where it needs to be. I find myself focusing on the problem and beginning to drown in despair. But when I change my focus and begin to focus on Him, things change. So I just have to remind myself that no matter what the circumstance, His presence is where I need to be.

There is no problem that is bigger than Him and His ability to overcome. These are exciting times and we just want to give Him the opportunity to release His presence and His grace. Hopefully I will continue to have fun for many years to come. Life is good, in good times and bad. The sooner we learn this, the better off we will be.

Living on the Edge

Many years ago, when Jennifer was a baby and we lived in Hawaii my mom and dad came to visit us. Jennifer was a little over a year old and we all went to the Big Island on vacation. One of the key attractions on the Big Island is the volcano. Mt Kilauea is very active now, but back then it was pretty dormant. In fact, you could drive right up to the top of the crater. Around the opening was a fence to keep people from getting to close and falling in. I know the reason for fences, they are to keep other people from getting hurt. I know that I am smart enough not to get hurt if I cross fences. So that’s what I did.

You see, if you stayed behind that fence you really had a hard time seeing the molten lava bubbling down in the bottom (maybe 200 – 300 feet down). Anyway, by crossing the fence I was able to walk out and lean over the edge and get some great pictures. Of course Julia was telling me to stay behind the fence, and I am sure that Mom and Dad weren’t too happy with my actions either. But I didn’t care. I even took pictures of all the warning signs before I jumped over the fence.

That one example is a picture of how I love to live life, on the edge. It doesn’t matter what I am doing, I just don’t like to “play it safe”. It is a lot more fun and exciting to push the limits than it is to hang back and settle into a predictable lifestyle. Now, I have been burned from time to time by this living on the edge. It hasn’t really worked very well financially for example. But in other areas it makes for a very interesting life.

Spiritually I love living on the edge. I want to be on the tip of the spear in all that God is doing. I don’t want to be left behind in anything. Next year as I help lead the first year of ministry school, I want all the students to have to run as hard as they can just to keep up with me. There are other areas that I love living on the edge. In fact I am not sure of any area of my life where I don’t want to be on the edge.

It’s probably my propensity to live on the edge that pushed me to fly planes, drive convertibles and ride motorcycles. I know it’s the push that causes me to run marathons. I also know that it is what drives me to look at skydiving. I know it’s what pushes me to ride every rollercoaster that I can.

I don’t see anything wrong with living life on the edge as long as you can be smart and weigh the risk against the opportunity. I’m really pretty level headed, and I know my limits. Yes, I push them, but I have priorities that I am not willing to compromise on. Live on the edge sometimes makes you want to overlook you values. You can’t do that or you will wind up falling off. You get a great view of life on the edge. It’s a view that I never want to give up. I always want to live my life on the edge.

How Good is God?

Have you ever thought about the answer to that question? How good is God? Just thinking about His goodness is almost impossible to understand. Goe, the creator of the universe; God the one who watches over us and loves us so much that He would allow a part of Himself to be tortured and endure a cross just so we could be redeemed. What kind of goodness does that? A God that is so good that He heals people who don’t deserve it.

No, I know in my heart that God is good, but trying to wrap my mind about just how good He is, well that’s almost impossible. But I am beginning to understand new levels of His goodness. I learned so much about His goodness this past year. It’s hard being alone but I was never really alone. He was constantly with me in much deeper levels than I had ever imagined. Every month as I was slowly being healed, His goodness was there in so many different ways. I remember the first night that I was alone in my bed, and I so felt that Jesus, Father and Holy Spirit were right there. They took me places that night. Places that I still go back to from time to time.

I guess the problem is that as we get healed, we also get busy and we don’t make as much quality time for them to minister to us as we should. I know that for a while I couldn’t go to bed without seeing them. Then they began to skip nights, and I would want more, but even when I went, it wasn’t quite as deep. But then there would be other nights where it would get even deeper as we explored each other. So I can’t say it was less, only different.

That is the key to intimacy and exploring the goodness of God. We must understand that He is so big that He shows us so many sides of His love that we hardly ever see the same side of His love. All we see most of the time is just a reflection of His love as we press into Him. If He is so big that He loves each of us uniquely then just think how big He must be. Also think how much the cake will taste like tonight.

His goodness allows us to heal. His goodness expands our heart to receive even more love than we ever thought possible. His goodness is what gives us the ability to love again without diminishing the love that we had. It is so unreal and yet so true and right. Probably the only reason that I am able to love again and love greatly is that I know the depths of His goodness and He has expanded my heart as I have walked with Him.

But in many ways I have just began to explore the depths of His goodness. The deeper I go, then the more that I am able to receive and to give. It’s His goodness that heals our hearts and brings us back to life. For that I am so grateful. He loves me, I know that I am one of His special children, but so are you.

The Next Dimension

I probably watch way too much Science Fiction. I also have a good imagination and that leads me to think about things that I know absolutely nothing about. I often find myself thinking about different things; things like what is Heaven like? Where is it? I also fond myself wondering how we can interact more on this earth with the Heavenly realm. I mean, if God created all the Earth, then He made all the rules we live by. So he make the force of gravity to keep us from floating around into space, He made centrifugal force to keep us from flying off into the woods when we go around a curve. All of Physics and Chemistry; all of Biology and everything in nature He made. They are all laws in motion.

But just as He gave us a New Covenant to fulfill the law and then released grace that seems to trump the effects of the Law, don’t you think He could do something like that in the Physical as well. Which is harder, “Your Sins are forgiven” or “Rise, Take up your bed and walk”? Why is it we are so ready to accept what He has done spiritually, but have such a hard time physically? I believe it is because we can’t see what happens Spiritually, so to us it seems like it would be easier. I mean we can see the physical effects of gravity of all the natural forces. WE think that they cannot be overcome, but can they? Yes, Jesus walked on water. There have been many other documented miracles.

My favorite line in the Matrix is when Morpheus tell Neon that “Some rules can be broken and others can be bent”. I believe that is what happens every time we see the Kingdom of God invade earth. The rules of the Kingdom are far superior to the physical rules we live by here on earth. The rules here have to bend when they come in conflict with the Kingdom rules. Our problem as believers is the same Neo had. Until He believed, he couldn’t bend or break the old rules. Once He know the new reality, He could move in and out of it. That’s where I want to be and where I am heading. The new reality of the Kingdom of God manifesting everywhere I am. Then I can move and operate in the Kingdom rules and bypass the physical rules.

I see Heaven as another dimension. It is right beside us, but we can’t see it. Every now and then we are able to reach across the membrane that separates us and pull something from Heaven into earth. It is times like these when we see the miracles and major healings. But those times are increasing. I think that through intimacy, prayer and trust that we can cause the membrane that separates us from the true reality gets thinner and it is easier to step across and operate in the new system.

We really do live in the Matrix. We so think that our life here is so real and so important. But the true reality is life in the Kingdom of God. That is where true happiness lies. Sure, this life is important. It is the training ground for living in the Kingdom. We need to train and be as excellent as we can be because things are changing, all the time.

So we have to chose to live in this world while constantly looking for ways to bend and break the rules. We live in this world while pressing up against the membrane that separates Heaven and Earth, always trying to pull the true reality of Heaven into this shadow of life that we find ourselves in. I know that the more we press into the Kingdom, the more we will see it overflow into our daily lives. This is a quest that will take me into realms where I have never been, and as Captain Kirk says “To go boldly where no man has gone before." It’s fun being a pioneer!

Water for Elephants (Blog website was down)

This post was done last night, but the website was down and I couldn't post it until now (sorry)

Sheryl and I went to movie today. She wanted to see Water for Elephants and I didn’t really have any objection although I wasn’t sure whether I would like it. I was afraid it would be a “chick flick” but it really wasn’t. It’s a story set in the 30’s during the depression and it deals with live in the circus, but the circus represents just a micro chasm of what life is life in the US at that time.

The hero is a sensitive gentle spirited man who leaves school just as he is about to get his vet license. He runs away after the death of his mom and winds up working in a circus. The whole story is about him keeping his gentle spirit and love for animals in the midst of total despair and terror. Of course He falls in love and that causes much havoc in his life. Although he comes close, he never succumbs to the desire to kill. In the end, he is ready to kill his enemy, he can’t do it.

It’s a good movie about how we as believers have a higher calling. Sure we can see despair all around us, but we have the responsibility to bring in the Kingdom of Heaven to every area we minister. That even includes a place like this depraved circus. He tries to help the animals even when men are starving in the streets, but the animals are something that he can do something about right now, so he does.

Isn’t that how we are supposed to act. It doesn’t matter how we are or where we are. Our job is step up to the plate to the plate and do what we can do to expand the Kingdom. We have to live in the circuses of this world if we are going to make a difference. After all this is what Jesus did. So he does make a difference, gets the girl and saves her from the nasty villain. I know it sounds corny as a movie, but I did enjoy it ,and it really did show an era in American life that was pretty dark and full of men just trying to make it. In the end, He won because He didn’t allow circumstances to dictate his actions. Instead he looked at the ultimate prize and He didn’t waiver.

So it was a good movie, and I get to have an A period tomorrow. The best thing is that I can sleep in because it’s a modified A period and I don’t have to be there until 7:30. So I think I will go get some sleep, it’s been a good day.

Half Full, or Half Empty?

When you see a glass that has liquid halfway up. Do you say it is half full or half empty? I automatically say it is half full. I’m sure that there are some who automatically say it is half empty. That one statement probably says a lot about your focus in life, and in turn says a lot about how you feel every day.

There are two kinds of people in this world, and no matter what else, they either focus on the fullness or the emptiness. I choose to focus on the fullness. Life is good, and it is full. I want to live life to the fullest and go down in flames going full speed. I never, well hardly ever, focus on the negative. I always try to focus on the positive. Most of the time I don’t have to try, it just happens. I guess that is why it is easy for me to focus on what God is doing instead of what He is not doing. By focusing on what He is doing, I wind up happy and carefree most of the time. Does that mean that I don’t have problems? Of course not. I have more than my share of problems. Things that if I focused on them would put me immediately into the pit of despair.

By focusing on the good things, I am able to rise above all the things that try to take me down. Things that if I focused on them would bring me down. I don’t hide from them or pretend that they don’t exist, no I deal with them, but they are just not my focus. My focus remains on all that Papa is doing in my life. By focusing on what He is doing, I can rise up above all the circumstances that life brings. We are not defined by our circumstances. We are defined by how we react to the circumstances.

God is so good. As I look back over the last 485 days, I could probably think of 485 different ways to talk about the goodness of God. I could probably do this and still think of more ways to reach others. But when we focus on what He is not doing, we begin to lose the perspective of how He really is. Instead we look at the pain around our life. As we focus on the pain it grows exponentially. It’s like the little boy who told his dad that he had two dogs, black and white. The black one continually told him to do bad, while the white one continually showed them how to love . The parent asked the little boy which one was winning? The little boy stood for a second, shrugged, and said this: “Which ever one I feed.”

Isn’t that just like the good God that we know? His love is everlasting and He never fails us. So our focus determines who we are. It is very important to keep our eyes on what He is doing. His love will just flow into us and through us if we do that. I can’t live any other way, and you shouldn’t either.

Another Late Night

Well, here I am again writing this post after midnight. It’s the third night in a row that I have been working late. I have one more night to go. Then I have Thursday off and switch to early mornings on Friday. It will be good to get back into a routine of early periods rather than late periods. Well, today was pretty productive.

First I had to go back to the Douglas Co courthouse and sign part of my passport application that I didn’t sign yesterday. That took about an hour and a half. Then I came home and got a run in. After my run, I did a sozo at RiverStone. That was great, and then I went to do some shopping before I went to work. Work was fine We got in a little earlier, so I got home a few minutes out.

I’m really tired tonight and I hope to sleep a little in the morning. It was good to talk with the girls this afternoon. I miss both of them a lot. It will be good to see them in June. It will really be good to have all the grandkids together for a while. I know with Lisa in Alaska and Jennifer in south Florida it will be very hard to get the girls together at all. Tonight I really don’t have a whole lot to say. I’m beginning to wonder if this daily blog has run it’s course and now it is time to move on to something else. This is the 485th straight day of writing. No wonder I am burned out. I’m going to end for the night, get some rest and see if I can focus tomorrow night. I don’t want to waste time writing if I don’t have anything to say. We will see what tomorrow brings.

Servant Leadership

I’ve heard it said that the Kingdom of God is the “upside down Kingdom.” I believe that means that instead of the leader being on top of the pyramid where he is waited on and served like a King, he is on the bottom or the pyramid, basically moving the pyramid along as he serves his followers. I really believe this is true. Didn’t the King of Kings get on His knees and wash his disciples feet? Jesus is our example in all things and He was the ultimate servant leader.

So, how does that work out in our lives? How do we become true servant leaders? It can’t be by just serving to serve. If we serve out of obligation or a need to get ahead, we will do nothing but burn out. No, there has to be much more. In the Old Testament we were called to serve out of obedience. That was the reason that we served, and it was law that pushed us into being a servant.

In the New Testament, we have been called to be higher than servants, we have called to be friends. But that doesn’t relieve us of the responsibility of serving. No, the New Covenant didn’t replace the old covenant. Instead it just overlaid it, giving new meaning to all that happened. We are to still serve, but our reason and motivation for serving has changed. Now we serve out of love. The more intimacy that we have with our King, the more we want to serve Him. It’s out of his love and our love for him that we can truly become the servant leaders that we have been called to be.

It was said best in the book of “Spiderman”. With great power comes great responsibility. We have been given great power as sons and daughters, and we have great responsibility to those who follow us. It is key to our growth as leaders that we serve. Serving opens us up to be influencers which helps make us leaders. Papa wants us to become great leaders. Great leaders serve greatly.

Personally, I love leading, and therefore I love to serve. But it is time that we learn to go deeper into His heart and receive revelation that will help us reach the lost at any cost. So I am called to train servant leaders. I’m called to train people that are willing to die to their ambitions to see the vision of the House succeed. Those people really don’t die to their dreams. No, most times, the dreams become better focused and are fulfilled even while they are involved in someone else’s dream. So, bring it all on. I’m ready and waiting.

Mother's Day 2011

I know today has to be hard on my girls. It’s a special day for them to be celebrated as the great Mother’s that they are. But it is also a reminder of what they have lost in Julia’s death. I wish that I could hold them and take away any pain, but life really doesn’t work like that. It can help, but it doesn’t ever take all the pain away. Jennifer and Lisa are both great mothers, and I just want to honor them tonight. They both love their girls dearly and both would do anything for them. Each of them balance work and home life to the best of their ability. So as I think about today, I want to honor them in particular.

But in reality, all mothers really need to be honored. It’s very hard to raise children, especially now. Mother’s are required to be most anything from caddy to drive them around to the teacher who helps them learn math. Yes. There is a lot to do in today’s job description. The girl’s had a good teacher in Julia. She loved them both dearly, and although she could be tough, she was always caring. I can remember many of the conversations we had about the girls and all the destiny that God had for them. She really, really loved them both.

Today we had a number of mothers win different “awards” at church. Everything from the mother with the most kids to the most recent mother. It was a fun time. Then we gave every mother there a rose. It was a great idea. The children gave a rose to the ones that were their mother’s. Then we handed a rose to all the mothers. I think everyone was blessed.

Tonight I started a new workweek. It’s going to be busy and I know that I am going to be very tired. I will be late getting in for the next three nights. I got off a little early tonight, that’s how I was able to get this post completed before midnight. The bad news is that I will be working 12 out of the next 14 days. I will be very busy. Well, it is a new week. Tomorrow I will go and apply for a new passport. I’ve looked over and over again. I hope that it will come within the next 4 – 6 weeks. I’ve had a passport for years, that’s the first time I have ever lost one. It’s still frustrating.

So, as I close for the night I just want to take this final opportunity to wish each of you a very Happy Mother’s Day. You all deserve everything that you are given. Probably much more.

Frustrations

Don’t you hate losing something? I know that I do. But it’s something that I am constantly doing. Oh, I know, you think that it’s because I’m getting old. I don’t agree. For one, I’m not getting old. Secondly, I’ve been doing things like this since I was a kid. So what is it this time? Well, it’s my passport. I can’t find it and I have turned the house upside down three or four times. The last time I remember seeing it was when I came back from Nicaragua in early March.

Normally I keep my passport in the same place. I do that so I can find it when I need it. Last year I needed it twice. Having it in the same place makes sense. I have no idea why it’s not in it’s proper place now, it’s just not. I was probably tired and got distracted when I cam home. Anyway I’ve been looking for it so long that I am totally frustrated. I’ve asked Holy Spirit and I have looked everywhere. Usually it’s my car keys that I lose. I lose them everywhere. If I don’t lose them, I lock them in my car.

I’ve only done that twice in the past year. Hopefully I will not do that for a while. I remember one morning many years ago we were taking the girls to Six Flags. Julia had a picnic and we had left the house and driven about a mile. We had to stop at the store to get something for the picnic. We all got out to go into the store and I locked the car door and shut it. Instantly I knew! I felt that deep knot in the pit of my stomach. You know the knot you get when you realize that you have accidently done something wrong. Sure enough, there were the keys in the car. Well, I had a choice. I could call someone and wait an hour or I could just run home get the keys and drive the other car back. That’s what I did. We weren’t too late to Six Flags, but I don’t think that Julia ever let me live that one down.

Then there was the time at the airport parking lot. It was raining and I was in my truck. I was going on a four-day trip for Delta. I grabbed the umbrella and my bag, locked the door and realized that my flight kit was still in the truck. As I went to unlock the truck I realized that the keys were still in the ignition as well. I had to have the flight Kit and I was running out of time. Do you know how hard it really is to break a car window? I thought I would never break it, and when I did, I was running late and didn’t have time to cover the window from the rain. What a mess it was when I came back four days later.

So, I’ve been frustrated before. I’m frustrated at me, not anyone else. It’s usually over stupid stuff. It looks like I will have to go get a replacement passport. Such a pain and a waste. Yes it is frustrating, but I can still laugh and smile about it. If that’s the worst thing that I do, it will be a great week. It’s been a mice few days off, but I start a heavy work period. Twelve days in the next fourteen I will be working. I’m glad that I had today off. At least I know the passport is not here. Tomorrow is another day and I’m looking forward to church. How can I be frustrated when I am worshiping the Risen King? I can’t.

Back Home Again

It’s always good to go to the beach, but it is always good to come home again too. Except for the fact that home is messy and needs to be cleaned. Of course the grass needs to be cut as well. I did get the grass cut this afternoon, and I went to Publix, but that’s all that I was able to get done. Well, tomorrow will be a day off, and hopefully I will get caught up with all that I have to do.

As we were going home this afternoon, Bud, Cathy and I were talking about the Cross. Jesus did take all of our sins and all the curses we have on the cross and they were dealt with. But at the same token, why do so many Christians live under those curses? Why is it that even though we no longer have a sin nature, we still sin?

As far as sin goes, I think it is because we have been told by the church for so long that we are sinners, we act like we are. Until we realize that in our identity there is no sin we will not be able to walk without sin. This is going to take teaching and people who are willing to step into new things. But what about curses? If “The Curse” was broken at the Cross, then we should not be affected by curses that we are obviously affected by. Sure, it’s easy to say that all the curses were dealt with on the cross. I really do believe that. It’s just that positionally, there are many Christians walking under some of those curses that were supposed to be broken.

So what are we to do? I believe that it is our job to show those who are walking under the curses a lie that they believe. Obviously they believe a lie, otherwise the would be free from all the curses because the Cross has set them free. That’s what we do in Sozo. We try to expose lies so that people can see the truth. By seeing the truth, then a person can get set free very easily.

I know in my mind that Jesus did everything on the Cross. I know that. And yet sometimes I find myself believing one of those lies. It is easy to do, that’s why we as believers need others to help keep us on track spiritually. I think that the good news for me is that we have good ties with everyone around. This is important. Intimacy is important. It is with intimacy that we truly know His will in our lives.

Well, this is all for tonight. It is really good to be home.

Cinco de Mayo

Well, it is the 5th of May, and while I didn’t get to my favorite Mexican Restaurant to celebrate with a cold beverage of my choice and some chips and salsa I still thought about it. Revolution, that’s why we celebrate the day, and it seems like a casual drinking holiday. In reality it celebrates an attempt by free thinkers to overthrow what had become a bad government. I guess history is written by the winners so it always depends on what side you are on as to how you are viewed later. But we have to operate in the now, not knowing how things will work out.

It’s the same way with love. I have been trying to analyze love and how it makes you feel. But it is such a combination of intellectual choices and feelings that it becomes almost impossible to actually analyze. Instead you have to sort of flow with it. The issue becomes that as you flow with your thoughts and your heart, you get caught up in a deeper and deeper level of caring. This level takes you into a deeper level of loving so that you can no longer analyze, you just wind up acting.

Now there is nothing wrong with this. In fact, I think it is how love works and it is as it should be. The problem is when you try to hold back, to keep from loving. That’s when you get in trouble. You find yourself not doing things you want to do and doing things that you don’t want to do. This gets you totally confused. I know because that is where I was for a couple of months with Sheryl. I knew early on that I cared for her deeply. I knew that she was so easy to talk to and so easy to be around. I also knew that we were very compatible in almost every area, especially in ministry and our love for the Kingdom. It was all too easy and that scared me enough to try and put the brakes on developing our relationship. Yes, I wanted to explore it, but I was afraid of going too fast, afraid that I was doing the wrong thing.

It was only in the last few weeks that I began to allow myself the freedom to really be myself around her, and to let her have the freedom in my life to be herself. You know it was then that I realized that it was all-true, but it was all God. It’s been confirmed over and over, we are going to be together. We are learning about each other. This is going to e an exciting time. But this also should be a private time, so tonight will be the last blog that I will post concerning our relationship. I’ll still write, but it will not be about us. Some things should be allowed to mature and develop in the privacy of our hearts and this is one of those things.

I do love her and I want our relationship to develop in its own timing without any pressure from the outside. I know that it will. So I might write about love, but it will not have examples of our life. I might write about relationships, but it won’t be about ours. There is plenty to write about and my blogs will go back to other focuses. Happy Cinco de Mayo. Long live the revolutions. It looks like it was necessary.

Mystical Union

I’m reading John Crowder’s new book on our union with Christ on the cross. It is unbelievable in that it brings back the simplicity of the gospel, the good news. We all look at the cross and we know that Jesus died for our sins, and that if we accept him as our Lord and Savior then we will be “saved”. We will go to heaven and become a child of God. That is the standard for most evangelical churches. We receive our salvation by faith. That’s all right and true. But after that, what happens to us as Christians.

For most of us we have to begin the process of sanctification. We are told that we have to die daily to ourselves. We are told that we are sinner’s saved by grace. That’s partially true. We were sinners and we were saved by grace. But what about our sin nature? Is it still with us? Do we still have to fight against our sin nature? Or are we saints in Christ with the sin nature circumcised from our heart? These are important questions because our answer to them helps determine how we see ourselves. They help determine our identity.

The way I read the scripture tells me that when Christ died on the cross, everything was paid for. I was saved, but also set free of the sin nature. That means that I don’t have to sin. I can walk day by day without sinning. It’s not heresy; it is scripture. But in most churches you are saved by grace, but immediately have to start working for your sanctification. It’s as if Christ died for nothing. We have to work to be free of sin. Why is that? I believe it is because we are taught that we are sinners. Sinners do one thing very well; they sin. If we are sinners; then we expect to sin. So we wind up sinning and then fighting to be pure. If we instead focus on the fact that our sin nature was killed on the cross when Jesus died, then we realize that our identity is as a saint. That identity allows us to focus on creating new life instead of stopping the old one from sinning.

If we realize that we are not sinners, but saints, we can embrace the cross in its fullness. We can understand why we are called Kings and Queens in the Lord because we look like Him. Everything is truly complete. This is really the first step in understanding our identity. God is important, but so are we. We are called to work out our salvation. I don’t think that means to work out our salvation through works, but we have to work it out by allowing our faith to take us into His throne room. We do have access to everything that He has access to. Romans 6, 7 and 8 back this up, but my favorite book on grace is Galatians. The whole book is all about grace and works. The bottom line is this. Grace works! In other words, the only works we have to do is to believe that the cross has taken everything and there are no works that we can do to make it any better. That’s easy to say, and hard to do. I want to begin to learn how to do so much more of what He is calling us to do. My goal for tomorrow is to walk in the grace that He has given me and to release that grace to others.

Love Gives You Wings

I guess that I will write about love again tonight because that is pretty much where I am living these days. All day long I have been living in two areas. Of course I’m down here a the beach with John, Biddie, Bud and Cathy. We went to the Blue Angle show this morning. It was not that great because the weather didn’t cooperate. But later in the day we went to the beach and the hot tub. In the meat time we watched a couple of good movies. So it was good, but part of my heart was elsewhere. This is the first time in a long time that I felt that I had another part that was beating but in a different location.

Sheryl flew to California to meet see her son, daughter-in-law and grandsons. We were texting and talking off and on all day. In some ways that was great. We were able to stay connected, but it made me miss her even more. We watched Conspiracy Theory this afternoon. Cathy hadn’t seen it before. It was interesting that Mel Gibson’s character said that “Love gives you wings”. I think that is a true saying. Love makes you think that you are a super hero. It makes you feel that you can do anything. It makes you feel that you can fly, literally. If you jump of the Empire State Building, you won’t hit the ground, no you will be picked up and fly to safety.

That’s how I feel about life this morning. It’s like everything is good, even though I know it is not. Love truly does give you new lenses. You get lenses that you will be able to see the world in a totally different light. It’s a new way of doing business, and I am glad to be a part of the new way. So here I am, a new way for a new day. Yes it is a new day. It’s an exciting time and I just want to create memories. But Sheryl will be in Ca for the next week, and its hard to do that when she is so far away.

So, I look forward to another day at the beach. I really do look for all the fun we can have tomorrow, but I know that part of my heart will be in CA. That’s all right too because love really has given me wings. Wings to grow and change. Wings to adapt to anything I need. Yes, wings to grow. These are exciting times, and I am excited to share them.

Living in "La-la Land"

“La-La land, what or where is that? Well, Sheryl and I were Listening to Danny Silk tell his premarriage class that you “can’t stay in La-la land” you have to come back to reality. We listened to the message and he said some good things but one thing we decided. We want to live in la-la land for a while. After all, we just got there. I think La –la land is where you are so in love that all you see is each other. It’s a time when you would really like to just spend all day looking into each other’s eyes. You know that it is not possible, but you would definitely like to try. La la land is when you are riding together in the back seat that you sit on the hump in the middle just to be close. It’s where you cant keep from wanting to touch each other and it’s where you have to use discipline and the power of the Spirit to keep from touching each other.

I’ve always heard that love is wasted on the young. I never knew that I could actually feel this way with anyone again. At times I feel like a giddy teenager, and I know that she does to. It is so nice to be wanted and loved. It’s even nicer to love back. I know that this is totally crazy. I’ve been razzed all day by all my friends, but I don’t care. We have decided to enjoy it. Yes, we will stay here for a while. Of course it’s hard this week. I’m in Florida and she is on her way to California. It will be a long week.

I’m sitting here in a condo on the beach in Pensacola. I should be happy to be here. I am happy to be here with all my friends, but I’m lonely as well. Tomorrow we are going to see the Blue Angels and that will be fun. It will be a fun week, but now there is a part of me that is missing and I will not feel whole. Shoot, we aren’t even married yet, but I feel so connected. I guess this is la –la land.

I really never thought that I could ever love again. I know that I thought I would never feel like this. I believe the only reason that I can is that I have chosen to live life facing forward and not looking backward. I will always love Julia. Nothing that I say or do now can ever diminish that love. I am so grateful for that in my life, but looking forward, I am so excited to have Sheryl become a part of my life. She is really such an amazing woman. We are so compatible and have so much in common. But she loves me for me, and I love her for her. Together we make each other stronger. We are two powerful people in the Spirit, and we bring freedom to everything we touch. What ever God has in store for us will be totally amazing.

So I asked Papa if it’s OK if we live in La –la land for a while. He said It’s not a place to visit, but we could live there. He has made us a home in La –la land and He wants us to spend as much time there as we can. Is love is everlasting and He just wants us to share it with each other. Life is good, enjoy it.

God Really is Good!

For over 16 months many of you have been reading this blog about how good God is. Well, tonight I want to tell you once again of His goodness to me. A goodness so great that I had a hard time understanding it and receiving it. I’ve heard it said that He is so good that our imagination can’t conceive of His goodness. This is so true, because never in my wildest imagination could I conceive of a plot like this. Put this storyline in a movie in your head and see if it makes any sense to you.

There is a man (me) who looses his best friend and ministry partner after 38 years of marriage. That loss is so sudden that He was totally unprepared for it. But through God’s grace and goodness He slowly is being healed over a year’s time. He still doesn’t even think he would ever want to fall in love again and get married. But He is involved in a couple of different ministries. He is involved in Soxo and BASSM. Both of them are key to all that God is doing in his life.

There is a woman who has been divorced for over 17 years. She had to get out of a terrible marriage. She too is totally dependent on God’s goodness. She never finds anyone that she is interested in and so she is single. She moves to Atlanta to be near her daughter, son in law and grandchildren. She is involved in the same ministries as the man.

So you see where this is going. I believe that God uses everything to increase His kingdom, even what the enemy meant for evil God uses for good. Both the man and the woman are robbed of their loves by the enemy. God then uses circumstances to bring them together. Why? I believe it is for two reasons. First to bring His love back into their lives in an even more tangible way. He loves them both so much that He wants to give them Jesus’ love in an even different way. He wants to give them love with “skin on”.

I have met this woman. Julia and I both knew her and liked her. We have everything in common. Spiritually and ministry wise we are a perfect match. I already love her daughter and son in law. We have so much in common it’s scary. In fact that was the very reason that I have been hesitant to pursue a relationship with her. I thought that something must be wrong, this relationship would be too easy. So I looked for reasons not to have it work. We saw each other a lot, and were constantly drawn into situations where we worked together. I did start seeing her for lunch after church and stuff like that, but I didn’t think it would work. But we were talking and I told her why I didn’t think it would work and she said something that totally flipped my life around. She said in great wisdom, “Don’t you think that God loves you enough to give you something easy for a change”?

That question hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course He loved me, and of course He would love to give me good gifts. Well since that conversation, my relationship has blossomed. God is good, and He does give good gifts. I believe that she is one of His gifts in my life right now. I could go on and on, but that’s enough news for tonight

All I know is this: God is good and He continually gives good gifts, even in relationships. We will have to see where this goes, but It is going to be a fun ride. We have really only been dating for a little while, but I am excited. I am feeling feelings that I thought I would never feel again. I’ve had more healing in the past month or so than I have in the past year. His love, through her, is bringing even more life back in my heart and wanting me to run after God even harder. His goodness is so great you cant even imagine it depth of it. I know, I’ve seen it at work.

Graduation Day

Today has been a whirlwind. I was up at 2:45 in Winter Park and then the drive to Tampa and the flight home. It was a good flight but it was full. I was blessed to have an exit row seat, and was able to stretch out and sleep the whole flight. Here it is after midnight and I still can’t figure out where the day went. I spent the day with a good friend. We went bike riding this afternoon and then I had to be at graduation at 4:30. It was 8PM when we finally left the graduation service but it was very good.

So, here I am a second year graduate of the Bethel Atlanta School of Supernatural Ministry. That is hard to believe. What is even harder to believe is what I will be doing next year. I talked about my dream job of being able to help with the school. I was certainly willing to go to third year in order to be involved. Well, God is good! In case you didn’t believe it I have some more proof. Next year I am going to be on staff with the School. I will be Scott’s assistance and helping run first year. It’s more of a dream than I have been able to imagine. It will be busy, especially on Monday and Tuesday.

So I will be at school next year. I know that I need a little break, but I am already anticipating next years class and all that we can do to help get it started. I am really excited. But for now I can hardly hold my eyes open. I promise I will have a better post tomorrow night. But for now that’s it. Today was a great day , and I am not looking back.