Thursday, May 19, 2011

Looking Back and Facing Forward

I’m facing forward in life. I’m so glad for everything that is happening in my life right now. In many ways it’s like I’m young again and there is such excitement and joy at the promise of the future. I never thought that I could ever be this much alive again. There is so much that God is doing in and through me right now. I can’t even begin to explain it. But even as I live facing forward, I sometimes have to reflect on the past and all the things that have brought me to this point.

As I embark on new beginnings, I am a creation of all that is past. I am a much better man for having been married to Julia for 38 years. I learned so much about how to love and be loved. I learned how to share and how to release. I learned how to be kind and gentle while still being aggressive when the moment called for it. I think that most of all I learned to communicate.

It wasn’t easy, neither of us ever wanted to open up, and when we were mad at each other there would be a initial uproar followed by silence on both of our parts. But I leaned how to press into her, and to release my agenda to understand hers. I learned that I can’t always fix everything, but sometimes it’s OK just to understand. It’s always better to listen to feelings than to try to fix problems.

In this past year without her, I learned to appreciate life and never take it for granted. I learned that God is good, and He gives good things even in times of sorrow and grief. I also learned that there is a difference in grief and self pity. I learned to allow myself to grieve, but not to go into self pity.

So as I look at all that is going on in my life; all the new beginnings, I have to realize and give thanks from where I have come, and all that my life with Julia has taught me. Because that is the fertile ground that this new life is planted in. It is very fertile, and this new beginnings of my life will bear much fruit because of all that has gone before.

So, yes, it is alright to occasionally look back to see all that has been done in the past. It is good to reflect and allow love to wash over you. Tonight, once again, I am listening to Love Came Down. I feel like that I am in a river and there are two waterfalls, one on each side of me. The water form each is falling and commingling as it hits me. The falls represent past and present love. The Love of the Father released in different ways. It is so refreshing and good to see His hand so at work in my life.

I am very excited about all that He is doing in my life. Every area is being changed and showered with His love as I move farther and farther into my destiny. It is so good to be able to rest in His arms, knowing that He is in control. He is truly showing me His goodness. I am richly blessed!

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