Friday, May 6, 2011

Cinco de Mayo

Well, it is the 5th of May, and while I didn’t get to my favorite Mexican Restaurant to celebrate with a cold beverage of my choice and some chips and salsa I still thought about it. Revolution, that’s why we celebrate the day, and it seems like a casual drinking holiday. In reality it celebrates an attempt by free thinkers to overthrow what had become a bad government. I guess history is written by the winners so it always depends on what side you are on as to how you are viewed later. But we have to operate in the now, not knowing how things will work out.

It’s the same way with love. I have been trying to analyze love and how it makes you feel. But it is such a combination of intellectual choices and feelings that it becomes almost impossible to actually analyze. Instead you have to sort of flow with it. The issue becomes that as you flow with your thoughts and your heart, you get caught up in a deeper and deeper level of caring. This level takes you into a deeper level of loving so that you can no longer analyze, you just wind up acting.

Now there is nothing wrong with this. In fact, I think it is how love works and it is as it should be. The problem is when you try to hold back, to keep from loving. That’s when you get in trouble. You find yourself not doing things you want to do and doing things that you don’t want to do. This gets you totally confused. I know because that is where I was for a couple of months with Sheryl. I knew early on that I cared for her deeply. I knew that she was so easy to talk to and so easy to be around. I also knew that we were very compatible in almost every area, especially in ministry and our love for the Kingdom. It was all too easy and that scared me enough to try and put the brakes on developing our relationship. Yes, I wanted to explore it, but I was afraid of going too fast, afraid that I was doing the wrong thing.

It was only in the last few weeks that I began to allow myself the freedom to really be myself around her, and to let her have the freedom in my life to be herself. You know it was then that I realized that it was all-true, but it was all God. It’s been confirmed over and over, we are going to be together. We are learning about each other. This is going to e an exciting time. But this also should be a private time, so tonight will be the last blog that I will post concerning our relationship. I’ll still write, but it will not be about us. Some things should be allowed to mature and develop in the privacy of our hearts and this is one of those things.

I do love her and I want our relationship to develop in its own timing without any pressure from the outside. I know that it will. So I might write about love, but it will not have examples of our life. I might write about relationships, but it won’t be about ours. There is plenty to write about and my blogs will go back to other focuses. Happy Cinco de Mayo. Long live the revolutions. It looks like it was necessary.

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