So here I am in Ft. Lauderdale. I can’t believe that the time has past so fast. I spent almost 48 hours in Virginia with Lisa’s family and almost 48 hours in Florida with Jennifer’s family. I leave on a 5:40 flight in the morning back to Atlanta and to school tomorrow night. Life just goes buy way to fast. I realized early in the year that I can’t take Julia’s place. I find myself time and time again wishing that I could, but I can’t. All I can do is be me. I love my girls and my granddaughters with all my heart and they know that I would do anything for them, but I can’t replace their mom. I guess that is the source of my greatest pain as I walk through this process. I see their loss, and it tends to magnify mine.
Seeing their needs makes me want to retire and be there for both of them. Of course that is impossible with them so far apart. But even if it were possible, it wouldn’t work. As much as I love them and want to be with them, I know that I have a calling and a destiny to fulfill. To stop and retire would be to turn away from all that I know I have been called to do. Plus, I am just not wired to totally retire. I would rust out if I slowed down. So I guess this is how it will be for me over the remaining years.
But by no means does that take away from my love and passion for my children and grandchildren. They really are my life and my heritage. So there is a balance that I must learn to maintain. Everything is always about balance. Balance doesn’t mean staying in the middle. Sometimes you have to run to one side, and then run to the other side to maintain the balance. In balance you do what you need to do to keep both sides whole.
So, tomorrow I go home, but I leave again on Wednesday morning for Redding and The international Sozo Leaders Summit. IT will be a time of networking and learning. It will be fun, and definitely something that I feel that Papa wants me to do. But I have to fly back on the redeye Friday night to work on Saturday. Yes there is another area that has to be balanced in my life. I still have to work, and I am so blessed to have my job with Delta.
So how do I maintain balance, and what is it. I believe the definition of balance is to allow yourself to walk in the Spirit. As you walk in the Spirit, you have to look at all the areas that have needs. Then you have to just ask Holy Spirit to help you prioritize. Sometimes, things change in a minute and you have to be ready to adapt. One of the reasons that I can do this is that I am flexible. I have always been ready to adapt and change at a moments notice. That, I believe, is just a gift from God. I know that many people can’t adapt like I can. I used to get mad and frustrated with them. Now, I just realize that I have been given a gift that many don’t have.
So, I guess that I have to just live life as I can. I know that Papa will give the girls the things that I can’t give them, the things that only their mom could give them. I can’t try to make up for her loss. But what I can do is make sure that they know that I love them. I can also do all that I can to make sure that they are connected to Papa. This is my main job. I love them and want to see each of them reach their destiny. It’s been a good weekend, and Christmas is coming soon.