Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Day 318 - The Fog Rolls In

The interesting thing about getting up at 3AM to drive down to the airport is you never know what kind of weather you will have that early in the morning. I usually have some idea of what the temperature will be, so I can dress appropriately. But as far as rain or sometimes even snow it is usually a surprise. That was what happened this morning. As I raised the garage door and drove my Miata out into the driveway I was engulfed in a thick fog. It was as thick as I have seen it in a long time. I had to slow down a little to make sure I wasn’t going to run up on any other car. Then to add more fuel to the fire, traffic was extremely heavy for that time of the morning. I guess there were a lot of people leaving town early for Thanksgiving.

I was able to make it down to work in plenty of time, even though it did take almost ten moreo minutes than normal. Fog isn’t pretty until it starts to lift. When you are in it, you can still get where you are going, it just seems like you have to slow down and be more methodical. Fog hides the beauty of the trees, and keeps the sun form shining through. Foggy days are normally sort of blah. It’s hard to get stuff done. Fog is no fun whey you are flying. It soles down traffic because of increased safety margins and the precision approaches that you have to fly. Taxing around in the fog is dangerous and complicated. Fog doesn’t stop, it just hinders.

Just as the fog rolled in in the natural this morning, it seemed to roll in over me in the spiritual this afternoon. I really had a lot that I wanted to do. I wanted to run or work out. I needed to pack and look at flights. I wanted to read. But it seemed like from the minute I got home from work I was just in a fog. I couldn’t get motivated to do hardly anything. I was able to do some things for Lisa that I had promised to do. But what normally would have taken an hour, wound up taking about three hours. I didn’t get my run in, and I didn’t get a nap. At first I thought it was because I was tired from being up early, and that might have been part of it, but later I realized it had a lot to do with Julia. Grief had slipped up on my like a fog rolling in from the sea. I found myself spending time reading old emails from last year, and thinking about last Thanksgiving and Christmas. It wasn’t the grief that brings pain and tears. Instead it was like a fog. It just hindered all that I was doing. I didn’t really realize it until I was caught up in it.

But just as in the natural, the Sun can burn off the fog. So it is in the Spiritual, the Son burns off the for of grief when you call on Him. But I found myself waiting, almost wanting to stay in the fog for a little while. Finally I did focus on things that I should have been focusing on and finally, tonight the Son broke through and the fog was burned off. As I look back on the day, I just wonder how much sooner I could have been free of thes foggy grief. I know it could have been sooner, and I know it will the next time I feel it rolling in. I have to makd choices, and today some of my choices were not as wise as they shoule be. But you know what? He still loves me and says I’m special. I don’t have to work for His love, He just releases it, He loves me that much.

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