Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Day 108 - Looking in the Mirror

Do you ever find yourself looking in the mirror? I know that I do. I look to see if I have gained weight, of how my clothes fit. I used to look to see if my hair was fixed right. I don’t really have that problem anymore. Most of us look inside ourselves. We don’t really have mirrors, but we don’t need them. How do you see yourself? That is so important. Do you see yourself through your eyes? What about your parent’s eyes? Maybe you see yourself through the eyes of friends, or coworkers. Most of us don’t see ourselves like we should. We fail to see ourselves through God’s eyes. This is an interesting question I am asking myself as I wrestle on what to say at Graduation on Saturday afternoon. I really need to be thinking about what I am going to say at Healing Prayer training on Saturday morning. But the more I meditate, the more the two talks run together.
How I see myself really hinges on a bigger question that the church is totally divided on. The question is “How do you see God”? Most people stop there they can’t even think about seeing the individual parts of the Trinity; Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit. Really, I’m afraid that most of the church doesn’t even think about seeing God. I really don’t want to be pessimistic, and I am so excited about what God is doing. We are in the greatest move in History. There are more believers now than ever before. It’s just I want so much for the whole church to know God and His Goodness. I want ny kids to know and understand how they can crawl up into the lap of Father God, just like they can crawl up into my lap. I want them to know that He loves them so much and has such great plans for them. Steve said something last night that I want to quote, because it impacted m and I want the impact to be felt by others who are reaching out for destiny. He was talking about the dream to start a church and a school in Atlanta. He said: “Three years ago we were released to start a school and a church. Three years from now whether you go after your dream or not, it will still be three years from now. “ Time is going to pass whether you go after your dreams or not. Three years from now will be three years from now. What are you going to do with them? We need, no I need to pursue my dreams because time is still ticking like a clock whether I do after them or not.

So that brings me back to the question I started with. How do I see myself? Who do I let myself be influenced by? I have to constantly look to Papa and ask Him how he sees me, and then choose to believe it. I wish that I could say that I do it all the time. I don’t, and when I don’t I begin to find myself doubting. Not doubting God, but doubting myself, doubting my call and my destiny. When I realize this I have to refocus myself on who I am and what He says about me. When I do that I can remain on track and in His presence so much easier. I had to do this today. There were something’s going on that made me begin to think of myself as I used to think. I was seeing myself as I think some others see me. As I did that there were elements of fear and despair that began to creep into my thoughts. I found myself feeling very heavy, and not worth much. I finally wasn’t thinking about it anymore, but the heaviness didn’t really go away. It just lurked in the background. I remember wishing Julia was here with me, because she would have pulled me out of it pretty quickly. Anyway, it was just there in the background. It really didn’t life until I started writing. You see, I forgot it had happened, and hadn’t dealt with it. I have to be ruthless and deal with these things in my thought pattern as soon as they come up. Anyway, God is so good that as I started writing tonight He brought it back and now it is gone. It is gone because I see who I am. I see who I am through His eyes, and I know who He is. He is good, and His love came down and rescued me. He rescued me not only from sin, but from wrong thought patterns if I let Him. Don’t you see, I am His son. His son who He loves and has plans for. He desires that I come and hang out with Him and talk with Him. It’s fun to be a son, even if I need to be reminded who I am every now and then.

Tomorrow night is Night of Healing Prayer at RiverStone. It will be a good night. I am looking for His Presence and Power to show up. I know He wants to, and I want testimonies of His love and Grace to be released. It should be fun!

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