Day 105 - Some Healing is a Process

I pray for people to get healed. Jesus said heal the sick, not pray for healing. Yes, I believe that prayer is an integral part. But prayer can come in the form of a declaration or a petition. Both are valid, and both are needed. I am not there yet. I want to be, and I sense more anointing and more of His presence when I pray. Sometimes people get healed. Sometimes they even get healed instantly. But not often enough. I want more! That is a good thing. We should all be crying out for more of His presence and power. I cry out for the day when everyone I pray for get’s healed instantly. But I haven’t seen it yet. Each time I pray, I really feel that the person is going to be healed, but they are not. That is always the question that we can’t answer. Why? Why do some people get healed and others do not? That is one of the questions that I have had to put into the closet of mysteries to ask when I get to heaven. I know and believe 100% that it is God’s will to heal. I also know and believe 100% that Jesus has paid the price for our healing just as He paid the price for our salvation. So, the problem’s not on God’s end. Now I know that theologically many would argue that God allows us not to be healed for various reasons. But I look at myself as a father. Would I want my girls to suffer when they could be healed? Would I allow them to suffer because I knew that they would be a better person for it? NO, NO, a thousand times NO! So then If I being evil wouldn’t do this, how much more would my heavenly Father desire to give good gifts. It’s not in His nature. IF Jesus is His representative on earth, where did Jesus allow someone to suffer so that they would be a better person? I’m sorry for these questions, but I got a little upset today.

I was at church, feeling really good. It was before worship, and someone came up to me and asked me how I was doing. I said that I was doing great. That person looked me in the eyes and said again, “How are you doing really?” I really wanted just to turn around and walk off. I hate it when I am doing good, but someone thinks I should be doing bad? Why can’t people take what you say at face value? Am I totally healed? Have I stopped missing Julia? No. I’m still being healed and I still miss her. I probably always will, at least I hope so. But I can have good days. I will not let myself be put into a box of grief. A box that says it takes so long to get to here, or so long to do that. There are things I still don’t want to do, things I don’t feel I am ready to do. That’s OK, I know where I am in the process. But I know that I have many totally good days, and some good days that have some hard times in them. Today had been a really good day except for that time before church and then just before I started this blog tonight. You see, I realized tonight that there was an area where the healing hasn’t been completed yet. It is still raw when I think about it. But that is OK. I know that emotional healing is normally a process. My prayer, and I think Papa is answering it is this. Lord Heal me totally, and make me stronger than before, but don’t leave any area in my life untouched. I want all of me to go after you with all my heart. Sharpen my emotions so that I can be used to bring divine justice for Julia’s death. He is doing this, but to do this completely, I have to be able to feel. I have to allow my emotions to have free range, although they have to be under the control of Holy Spirit. I really hope that I am making sense.

I really wasn’t mad at the person today. I was annoyed a little, but mostly sad, because I see how I have tried to put people into boxes. People who don’t understand about the goodness of God really can’t understand how I cam have good days. Maybe they have never seen it. Maybe they just project onto me how they think that they would feel. I want to say that is not my problem, but it is. You see this is a crucial issue if we are to see healing released on a level we desire. We have to raise the corporate anointing of the church. Not just RiverStone, or Bethel Atlanta, but the church at large. AS ling as Satan has the church believing that God causes sickness and death to build character we will never get to the place God wants us to go. All the enemy has to do is to convince us that it “might not” be Gods will to heal that person. Just that one thought makes us double minded. Once we have gone there, we have lost the battle. So, in my humble but accurate opinion, one of the doctrines of demons that much of the church believes has to do with what is the will of God. Here is the bottom line. God is Good and He does Good things. It is never His will to give disease or death. If I can’t believe that, then everything else is questionable too. But I do believe that, and I can walk in faith, knowing that He cares for me, and loves me. So, yes my healing is a process. But in the middle of that process I am still strong, still powerful in the Spirit, and still going after Him relentlessly.

It’s early for my blog, but 3AM comes early tomorrow. Only two more days of school. It’s hard to believe the year is almost over.