I went to SteinMart and REI this afternoon. I bought 3 new shirts. That makes 5 shirts I have bought since Julia died. I think that she would like them, I’m not sure though. I know that she would like one of them. It’s a lime green Polo shirt. It matches her favorite color pretty good. It’s really weird going shopping by myself. Julia and I usually went together or she would just buy me something when she was out. I think I always asked her opinion. I never paid attention to certain things when Julia was around. Is it easy to wash? Do I have to iron it? If so, is it easy or hard? All these have become very pertinent questions to ask before I buy something. Right now I have 5 shirts in the Laundry room that need ironing. Yes, I know how to iron, that’s not the problem. The problem is getting the time to iron. So, I have made a conscious decision to try to go with wrinkle free or “Light ironing needed” shirts. That way I can slowly replace all my hard to iron shirts with these. So, I am going to retire 5 of my other shirts. Some of them are pretty old anyway. Julia had wanted me to get rid of some of them, so here goes.
Pants are another matter. I hate wrinkle free pants. I don’t like how the material feels or how they hang. So I will either iron them or take them to the laundry. Probably the laundry if truth be told. But I can wear a pair of pants more than once, so I feel comfortable doing that with them. At any rate I guess with my wardrobe changes I might not be as sharp as I was when Julia was dressing me. That really doesn’t matter since I feel much more comfortable in blue jeans anyway. I’m really not into the “dress to impress” mode anymore. The only person I have wanted to impress these past few years is gone, and I can dress for comfort and freedom.
I really did dress for her most of the time. I would even wear a suit for her if she asked, or gave me a dirty look. I knew when she thought it was required. Sometimes I would dress in something else just to see her look of exasperation before I laughed and changed into what I knew she thought was appropriate. I did get away without socks most of the time though. She knew how much I hated them. Really, the only time O like socks is when it is below freezing and my feet get cold. Any other time I would love to leave them in the sock drawer where they belong. The past few years I had stopped wearing a tie most of the time. That’s another invention that I hate. What good are they? Anyway, I think she was getting soft on me. I would still wear one if she really thought it necessary. I didn’t wear one to her Celebration service. I just couldn’t imagine wearing a tie at RiverStone. I knew she didn’t mind. I did wear a suit and socks. It was very cold that day! I told her that when I die I wanted to be wearing blue jeans in the coffin and at the funeral home play Neil Diamond’s song “Forever in Blue Jeans”. I was serious about the blue jeans. The song was a standing joke between us, but it sounds like a good idea.
It is amazing how many little changes happen. Changes that you weren’t thinking about. They just sort of catch you by surprise. One of the few constants that I have had in the past three months is sitting here at night writing and remembering. I am so blessed. Tonight in school we were talking about declaring and decreeing our destiny. We were talking about adding faith to our words and how we have to keep going after our destiny and don’t look at what we see, but look at what God says about us. My DNA is from the King, and I have a responsibility to re-present Him. I must keep going after the Kingdom until it manifest in front of me. I am His son, joint heir with Jesus. It is my responsibility to preach the Kingdom and sometimes use words. Life is exciting, but I still miss her.