Today was an OK day until tonight. I got up and went to work. That was fine, but there was just sort of a melancholy feeling about the whole day. I wasn’t depressed, or in deep grief or anything like that. It’s just that there was no life, no spark. It’s like I was going through the motions trying to stay up. Succeeding for the most part, but really I found myself thinking of Julia at odd times. It’s the first day in a while where it was like there was a heaviness in the air. It really wasn’t tangible and I really didn’t recognize it until late this afternoon. Then I realized that it had been with me all day. That’s insidious, and I have to watch it in the future. I’ve found that when I know it’s there I can deal with it, but when it just sneaks up on you, then it takes effect when you are not aware. It begins to effect your thinking. You find yourself tired and not really wanting to do anything. That’s the way I found myself this afternoon. I got home around 3:15. I finished watching a movie that I had started last night. It really wasn’t very good, and could be depressing in itself. I then ate a salad, and watched a little TV. I really didn’t want to get out and go to church tonight, but I made myself got out. I am so glad I did.
In “Strengthening Yourself in the Lord”, Bill Johnson talks about the importance of worship. And going after the Presence of God. I did that tonight. Worship was very good, but I was intense in the though of just going after His presence. I could just feel things breaking off of me as I worshiped. Things that I didn’t even know had gotten on me. But the end of worship time I was deep into His presence, and it was such a good feeling. I was lighter, I had more clarity and it was like I could see clearer and with out a haze around me. We have been reading this book for school. It’s our last assignment. I have read it before, but I really didn’t remember much of it until I started reading it again. It was then I realized that I was doing most of the things in the book that He talks about. I have been “Strengthening Myself in the Lord” ever since Julia died. If you haven’t read that book, you need to. I didn’t realize how much I had learned in the past few years. I know that had this happened to me a few years ago, I would not be where I am today. I can thank many people and the Lord for that, but I have to give special thanks to Bethel Church, Bill Johnson and all the leaders there who have impacted me and my family.
Anyway, I digress. After worship Tom taught in a round about way on the Goodness of God. It was about Jesus and how we have to judge Him by who He says is and his character and not on what we are going through. It was a good reminder for me tonight. Jesus is here. His love is real, and no matter where we are or what we are experiencing, He is good. For me his sermon was just a good reminder for something I already know, but sometimes need to be reminded of. But for others it was more than a reminder, it was life giving. I was at the front for prayer ministry after the service. We must have prayed for three different people who were greatly impacted by the sermon, and the Lord was faithful to minister healing and deliverance to each of them. It was a really powerful time of prayer. It was exciting to me to see God use me prophetically with words of knowledge to unlock hearts. He also used me in our Sozo session of Friday night. God is so good. Even in the midst of our healing and becoming whole, He uses us to minister to others. I am just amazed at His grace and love.
So here I am, sitting in my rocker. The cloud is gone; it left during worship. I’m sure it will try to sneak back sometime. Hopefully I will be able to recognize it and deal with it when I realize it’s here. We as believers have mighty tools given to us by Holy Spirit. We just need to learn to use them. We all need to be able to strengthen ourselves in Him. Well, 3AM does come early. I’ll spend the day on the south side of town. After I get off work around 10. I will visit my Dad. Outreach starts at 3 and then class starts at 6. One of my favorite people, Faith Blatchford, will be our speaker at school tomorrow night. It should be a fun day. Life is good, but God is better!