I could probably talk about God’s peace and how to rest in it every night and I would still not run out of things to say. Today is a good day. I worked this morning but got home this afternoon around 3:30. I really wanted to run, but cut the grass and sprayed the weeds instead. Tonight was my night off. Nowhere to go, no appointments. A night just to hang out and grill chicken, get caught up on 24 and American Idol. So here I am writing my blog fairly early tonight. It has been a good day. I’ve been resting in the peace and presence of God most of the day. How can we live without His peace. I’ve come to learn that I can hear his voice, but it’s His peace that I follow most. It’s like the cloud by day and the pillar of fire buy night. When I am in His peace I can keep from being caught up in the fear of the present. I can keep myself from being discouraged and depressed. The key to resting in His peace is believing that He is bigger than any of my situations and problems. Remaining in the rest and peace of God is really work. You have to work at keeping from allowing yourself from being caught up in the present situation no matter how bad it is.
I was doing OK until almost the end of 24. (If you are watching and haven’t seen the latest episode don’t read any farther.) When Jack found out that Renee was dead, it stirred up memories of the night with Julia. At once I was there with Jack, feeling His pain, except on a much greater level because we had been married so long. That pain lasted only for an instant. Then I realized that it was only a TV show, and that my loss was real
Each day I have a choice. I can choose to believe my experience, or I can choose to believe what God is doing. Steve and Wendy Backlund said this at school last night:
You have to retrain your brain on purpose. You have to take responsibility for what you believe. By the renewing of your mind, you have to come into alignment. You experience will eventually catch up to your beliefs. You have to take responsibility to make the change. The enemy will use your past as an example for your future. God will use your prophetic destiny to show you your future.
This is so true. If I am going to get to where I need to be in healing and being healed then I have to come into alignment with God’s word, not on what the world thinks you should do, or where you should be at a certain time. I did a stupid thing tonight. I googled “grieving”. Then I looked at steps of grieving. There were 7 step modles, three step models , five step models but the only thing that they had in common was how hard it was and how you would never be the same. I know that I will never be the same, but they made it sound like it would always be substandard. I had to stop reading and rebuke thoughts like that. I know that this is a process. I know that it is hard at times. But I also know that God is with me, and His peace is so strong upon me that I can never be substandard in living. John Wimber once taught healing using the 5 – step healing model. At the time it was the best we knew. Now I am looking for the one step healing model. We have to realize that we move from revelation to revelation, from glory to glory. If you look at church history since after the Bible was written you will see that revelation has been revealed a step at a time, line upon line. Martin Luther’s justification by faith and then later on the baptism in the Holy Spirit. It goes on and on. We are so close to the end and we are seeing God’s Glory revealed in so many ways.
At any rate, where I was going is that I believe that God is giving me a new model of healing. A new model of being set free from grief and pain and loss and all the things that come at once when you lose someone that you love so much. I don’t know if it’s a one step process or a five step process. All I know is that I need to follow His peace, and I will be all right. So I’m not going to read any books on grieving. I don’t care how many steps it takes. I am going after something better. I had something great, but I know that God is the God of the more, so I am going after the MORE!