Monday, April 26, 2010

Day 106 - I'm Not the Same

We were singing a song during worship tonight about being changed by the Holy Spirit. As we were singing it I felt like the Holy Spirit was telling me how much I’ve changed. He didn’t give me specifics. He just had me look back to September when school started. Almost eight months. Tomorrow is the last night of school. I really am a little nervous about what it is going to be like without class on Monday and Tuesday nights. I have not been this way before. Ever since Julia died, I have been in school. What will it be like now that school is over? Will it change? I don’t know, but I do know that I have changed. I can see at least two reasons for my change. First is all that I have been through with the loss of Julia. Her love for me, and mine for her was so great, I would never have been able to comprehend what it is to be without her. Yet, my relationship with Holy Spirit, Papa and Jesus has grown tremendously. But would it have grown so much if I hadn’t already been in school? I’ll never know the answer to that. What I do know is that God had me at the right place for this season of my life. Being in school has helped me to soar above the storms. As I heard speaker after speaker talk ablut God’s goodness it just reinforced the basis of my core beliefs. To see God move, and hear the testimonies of healing, even in the midst of sorrow made me press in for more of Him and His presence.

Tonight as we worshiped, I could see Julia ‘s face. She had a big smile on her face like she was proud of me. I wish that she could be at graduation with me in the flesh, but I know that she will be there in the spirit pulling for me. I have been honored with the task of being one of two speakers at the ceremony. The first year class voted for me to speak, and the second year class voted for a second year student. It is a great honor, and I hope that the anointing shows up or I will be in trouble. It will not be a long message as we are pressed for time. So I need a concise, brief, powerful and anointed word. I know I can’t do that, so I will have to give it to the Holy Spirit. Anyway, tonight was the first time that I had actually seen Julia’s face. It was a pleasure to behold, and I just entered deeper into worship.

There is a new movement coming. God is beginning to really release ordinary people to bring in His harvest. We are a part of that movement. Whether you call it community transformation or revival. He is on the move, and I really believe this will be the individuals who have sold out to him rather than the “anointed pastor” who is a one man show. We at the school are on the cutting edge of what God is doing. It is a Kingdom work and requires a knowledge and understanding of Kingdom principles.

I’ll probably talk about this in my message, but Faith said something last week that got me thinking. She said a couple of times “ I don’t do the age thing”. She was talking about something that happened to her years ago, but instead of saying how old she was she said that she didn’t do the age thing. I began to contemplate that and asked Holy Spirit about what she meant. I felt that Holy Spirit told me that any time you give your age in relation to ministry, you are giving your self an excuse. You are either too old, or too young. Think about it. Is there ever a “perfect” age to do ministry? The enemy always uses your age against you, so why not take away that tool. The Holy Spirit was so adament with me that He warned me with this warning. If I continued to look at my age, I would limit my ministry and I would never reach the destiny that He had for me. That got my attention, so from now on, I’m not doing the age thing either!

All in all I guess I have changed. I know that I have more passion for God and the things of the Spirit. I know that I see more Globally now instead of just locally. I know that I have more compassion for others now, and I know that my heart is very tender for the things of God and to see people reach their destiny. I am so grateful for the opportunity to be a part of all that God is doing. I am seeing history (His Story) being played out. This year has been amazing, and I am very blessed.


  1. WOW, this is awesome. Do you think Brent and I should look at / pray about doing the school? Everything you have said or written about the school just makes me want to dive in... it sounds awesome.
    When is the graduation? We'd love to hear you speak!

    Oh and can I just say that God is so amazing that you were able to see Julia smiling like that... what a wonderful sight!

    - ann

  2. Tom, I know it isn't quite the same thing, but I have a magnet on our fridge that says "how old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?" I love that...I don't like how a number limits me either (that's why I don't care that people think I'm nuts for having twins at 43!)! Love you and am so happy to think about Julia smiling over you!