Well I went back to work today. It felt weird since it was the first time in over two weeks. But it was good to be back in some ways. I am blessed to have a job like I have. A job that gives me all the freedom it gives me. Now I am of the rest of the week, but I pay for it dearly over the next two weeks. It’s probably a good thing I’m off. My voice was shot after the sim period. This cough that I picked up in Nicaragua isn’t getting any better. A few days off and some rest should help it.
Tonight at school we saw Bob Jones as he was speaking to the school at Bethel Redding last week. It was really good and thought provoking. He said that this year was the year of the Lion and that courage was going to be released. It looks like Daniel picked a good year to release his “Like a Lion” album. Anyway Bob had a lot to say about the end time harvest and how He thought it would begin in 2012. Personally it seems that God is positioning me in ministry to be ready to help gather it in. These are definitely exciting times that we are living in.
If we look at the media, we wind up in fear, but if we look up and see all that He is doing, there is no fear. As parents, our tendency is to fear. We fear what our children and grandchildren are facing. We fear that they will make the same mistakes that we made when we were young. We have to release faith and let fear go. Most of the church walks in fear too. It might be a fear that someone will disagree and spit the church, or a fear that things will get out of control.
In reality, control is just a manifestation of fear. Churches that fear the Holy Spirit or the manifestations of the Spirit tend to control so they won’t have to deal with any of it. But what they do is control so much that Jesus id left out and there is nothing but religious activity and programs. I’m so glad that I go to churches that don’t try to control every thing that happens. I don’t think that I could remain if that were the case. That’s one of the main things that I have loved about school. There is so much freedom. Do we mess up? Probably, but it’s OK because we mess up pressing after more of God, and we clean up our messes. That’s part of the culture of Honor. We take responsibility for our actions, good or bad.
During worship tonight for about 10 minutes I felt a dark heaviness come over me. The band was playing “Love Came Down” and I think that the heaviness was a rogue wave of grief. It didn’t last long, just long enough to remind me that there were still deep feelings there. I’m really doing good and that is the first real wave of grief that I have had an a good while. I guess I can expect that from time to time. I’ve thought of Julia many times of course, but this was the first grief. Although it was OK, I don’t like the way it made me feel. It was like there was something attached to it that wasn’t right. My guard went up spiritually, and I won’t allow myself to be caught up like that. I guess it is time to get a sozo. I’ve been thinking about it; maybe sometime this summer. Anyway I’m fine now, but I wonder about my girls. There is good grief, the kind that cleanses the soul, but there is a grief that will try to take you down into the pit of depression. That kind has to be fought off. We have to learn the difference.
It is very late and I am tired. I think I’ll go and dream about the year of the Lion.