How do you quantify the loss of a spouse, or the loss of a mother, or a friend. I was riding with John and Biddie tonight, and we were just talking about how each of us deals with loss, and how loss is different for each because our relationships to Julia were so different. In many ways it’s like the blind man describing an elephant by what part he touches. Never having seen the whole, how would you describe an elephant if all you felt was his trunk? Why you might even think it looked like a snake.
As I have processed and dealt with grief these past few months, I feel that in many ways my position, while very hard and painful, was the most forthright and easy to process. She was in the house, by my side all the time and then she was gone. For those like my daughters who live in another state, sometimes it can seem like she is still alive, just not around. It makes it harder to deal with the finality and the day to day reality that she is in Heaven and she really won’t be coming to see them next month. For friends, I don’t know. I guess it’s a cross between my daughters and me. They know she is gone, but since they didn’t actually live with her, it still could be like she is still around. I don’t really know, I’m just speculating. But I do know that everyone that I know has processed Julia’s passing different.
I guess dealing with loss is different with everyone. I was talking with someone at school about God’s goodness and what Steve Thompson said about God not being in control. I have believed that for a couple of years at least. In face, I said as much at Julia’s celebration service. God is in charge, but He is not in control here on earth. I’ve written about this before. If you don’t believe this, study what happened in the Garden of Eden and what Jess did, and what He told the disciples to do. If I didn’t believe that God wasn’t control, then I would be constantly be blaming Him for Julia’s death. I would wind up cutting myself of from the very healer that I need to run to in order to get my heart healed. No, I know that He isn’t in control. I know it is our job to bring the Kingdom down on earth in fullness. When the Kingdom comes in fullness, we see healings, miracles, heaven here on earth. But o far we, the church, have not brought the Kingdom in fullness. That is our job, our mandate, I long for the day when I can see it happen. I’ve seen a lot, but I want to see it established permanently in an area that I live. That is in many ways, my biggest dream. It can only come to pass with His help. Come Holy Spirit, we do want so much more.
But all of us, friends, children, spouses; we all must realize that in His goodness He will work all things for good to those called according to His purpose. He loves us. He didn’t cause this, but He will use it if we let Him. Nothing ever stays the same. Especially when something of this magnitude happens. But just because things change, it doesn’t mean that the change is bad. It’s just that some things are different. It becomes what I have called the new normal. In many ways the new normal will be lacking what Julia brought into our lives. That is the sad part we have to deal with. But at the same time new doors of opportunity, new places of adventure, new relationships will form. The new normal will eventually take hold in all of us. But we have to allow it to happen. We can’t live in the past. We have to look to the future and live in the present. That’s what she would want us to do.
I am probably more ahead in this than most. I think Papa has given me a push into His heart, and stirred up destiny and desire for the future dreams. But there are still many areas where I haven’t really gotten there yet. Sometimes I find myself tossed about in what I feel and why. But I am not worried. I’m still a work in progress, still healing. As long as I can stay close to the healer I will be OK. I know that my friends and family will be there even when I mess up. That is the good thing about love, it is quick to forgive and forget. My prayer is that we all will love and support each other in this time of adjusting to new reality. Change is inevitable, we have to be willing to embrace it.