As I said earlier this week, this year has been the “best of times and the worst of times”. It’s hard to believe that in less than two days now, Julia Anne will have her first birthday. That is one of the best things that happened, and it happened in such a timely fashion that it had to be a sign from the Lord. So, here we are, a year later. Tomorrow is the anniversary of Julia’s celebration service. It was a year ago today that I felt that Papa told me to write this blog. He said it would help me heal faster, and I really believe that it has. He also said that it would help others in their healing. I have had a few testimonies that it has done that, and I think it has done much more that I don’t know about. I really wrote this also to be a legacy for my granddaughters. My prayer is that when they read this in the coming years they will know about Julia and me. I pray that they will feel the love we had for each other and for God, and will determine to go after even more.
I want to thank each of you who have either read a few of these posts or have read them all. You have bee such a support to me through your prayers and your love. I have faithfully written every night for the past 365 nights. It is only by the grace of God that I have been able to do this. But just to write is not enough. I have tried to share my heart and bare my soul as I have lived, lived and yes grieved this past year. Many nights I would start writing feeling almost overcome with grief, only to finish writing smiling and laughing. God surly is good. I hope that you have experienced at least a little of His goodness as you have read these posts.
So, where am I today? Am I totally healed? No, I am not, but I am well on my way. How can someone be totally healed after suffering such a loss? But I am whole, and I am enjoying life. Many people in my position don’t get that for years and years, if ever. I am coming into my destiny with God. I have made the shift. I love Julia, but I love life, and life has much more to offer in the coming years. I have come to realize that in many ways, age is a state of mind, and in many ways I am much younger that people 10 – 15 years junior to me. Sure I know that eventually I will die. I don’t fear death; in fact I welcome it. But only on my terms; when it is the timing of my Father. Until then, I am living my life to the fullest. So, today I live with great joy and an almost reckless abandon. Of course I am careful, and not reckless in the extreme, but I am not letting anything stand in the way of me pressing into all that Papa has for me.
Tonight I went back and read some of my early entries from last January. I have received so much healing. I didn’t realize it until I started looking back. I don’t know what I am going to do with all this. I’ve written 464 pages, almost 300,000 words. Many have told me to make it into a book. I’ll pray and see what Papa wants me to do. I am thinking right now that there might be three or four good themes that I can explore. First I need the time to do it. I’ll have to really seek the Lord on all this. All I ever wanted to do was remember what life with Julia was like. I think I have done a good job. I will have these memories of her written down, and her legacy will continue. Anything else will just happen.
So, what now? I don’t know. Maybe I will connect with someone in the Spirit and be drawn into a relationship of some kind, maybe not. I’m not looking for anything, but I’m not afraid either. I’ll just have to go with Papa and take life as it comes. I do know this. After writing each night for 365 nights, it’s going to e hard to stop. So I am going to continue to blog. I won’t promise that I will write every night, but I wll probably write on most of them. I feel that He is showing me too much about life and He wants me to write about what He shows me. So, tomorrow night I hope to be back in my rocking chair writing my new blog. The title will be “Reflections on Life.” I know that Papa wants me to keep sharing His love and his heart through my writings. He is so good. I know, I have written about His goodness now for 365 days. I pray that I am able to write about it for many, many more. Thank you all for following and reading this past year. I love you all!