Thursday, December 23, 2010

Day 347 - Growing Up

Tonight we went to Harbor town for a concert. We thought it was supposed to be a Christmas concert with carol singing and such. It probably was, but it was 47 degrees ane the concert was outside. The performer soent probably a half an hour telling bad jokes to kids and then had numerous kids come on stage and give their rendition of Jingle Bells and Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. We all got bored and left about 45 minutes into the concert.

As I was walking out, I was telling one of my grandaughters that she was growing up. She said she didn’t want to, and I said that we have no choice; we all grow up. Then she said that she wanted to be like the lost boys in Peter Pan, except she wanted her parents. I just laughed to myself, because I have thought that many times in the past. Especially when things were closing in on me, and I didn’t really want the responsibility that comes wit growing up. I don’t think that she was thinking about the responsibility. I think that she was thinking about loosing the childhood that she loved. Too often we are so ready to move on to the next thing. I thought it refreshing that she wasn’t pushing to grow up. We all need to learn to love and accept where we are today.

Tomorrow will probably change our circumstances, but we live in the now. We have to not only accept, but love who we are, because like it or not, God made us, and some things we can’t change. One thing that I can’t change is that I am a Dad and a Papa. I don’t want to change it except when I see one of my children or grandchildren hurting. I still want to fix it. I grew up thinking that Dads could fix anything. I should have known better, my dad didn’t fix everything. But for some reason, when I became a dad, I thought it was my responsibility to fix things. I can’t. I could when they were young. I could fix most things even when they were teenagers, but not anymore. It’s too bab I didn’t learn this earlier, it might have helped them grow up in a more reall environment. That’s why I love Danny Silk’s “Loving on Purpose” series. He teaches his kids that they are responsible for their own problems.

Don’t get me wrong; my kids know that they are responsible for their own problems. They really don’t expect me to “fix it”. No, I’m the only one that expects me to “fix it”. I should know better. I do know better. But it’s still hard to watch and not be able to fix. It’s even harder to watch and not even give advice. I pray with people all the time, telling them to release their children to God. Even as I tell them that, I know how hard it is. That is something that I continually have to do. It’s almost a daily occurrence, especially when I am with them. I love them so much that I want to fix everything. But I love them so much that I won’t try. No, I have to let each of them live their own lives. I just pray for all of them that they reach the destiny and calling that God has for them.

So, there is still a part of me that doesn’t want to grow up. There is another part that wants to know what I will become when I do grow up. And finally there is a part of me that is happy and accepting of where I am and what I am doing right now. That is the part that I need to focus on, because that is where the fruit will come from. So, as I approach my first Christmas in 39 years without Julia, once again I choose to do two things. First, I choose again to release my children and grandchildren into God’s hands, praying that He will propel them into their Destiny. Secondly, I choose to focus on my life today. I am going to take the actions necessary to press into my destiny. Only as I live in the now with my head and heart toward the future will I be able to embace the new adventure that Papa has waiting for me.

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