Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Day 338 - Pressing On

One more day of work for the month, then I have two weeks off. I had two weeks off when I went to Australia, but it didn’t seem like it. I want these two weeks to go by more slowly. I really want to enjoy the kids and the time that I have with them. I am looking forward to being away. Hopefully it will be warmer and we can get out on the beach for a walk or a ride. I have a lot to do in the next two and a half days. I wish I had Julia’s gift for getting things done. She would make her list and not stop until it was finished. Sometimes it would drive me crazy, but she could sure accomplish a lot in a little time.

I got a Christmas card from a dear friend. She is the wife of my “little brother” in my fraternity at Tech. He died of cancer almost a year and a half ago. Last year she wrote a sweet letter telling of her family and how they were all meeting somewhere else for Christmas to be together. I was going to write her and then everything happened and I never got to write. It was her letter that gave me the idea for us to go to Hilton Head for Christmas. It’s funny, I dreamed about him just the other night. Anyway, she is doing well, and they have a new grandbaby. She said the family is healing and she is dating a man that she new when she was in college. They reconnected on Facebook. I’m very happy for her, but that got me thinking. I don’t know anybody from my past that I would even think about dating. No, if I ever decide to date it will have to be someone from now or the future, not the past.

Well, I have had at least 10 people ask me in the last week “How I am doing?” I know that they are lovingly concerned for me, but I begin to wonder if I look frazzled or something. I think that I am doing well, and that’s what I tell them. It’s the truth, I’m doing well, but when I really begin to examine myself, I know that I am in a different season right now. It’s like I went from walking on dry ground to walking in thick mud. Yes, I’m doing fine, but it is taking more work to stay fine right now. Just like it takes more energy to walk in deep mud, that’s how I feel right now.

If I let myself, it is easy to start the slide down into self-pity and grief. I’m not going there. I miss Julia, very much, but this is going to be a great Christmas. We will honor her, cry over her and laugh with her, but I will not let self-pity rob me of the joy that Papa wants me to have. Sure it is lonesome without her, but I am not alone. I have family and good friends but most of all I have Holy Spirit. I know that I am about to be invaded by life. Raw life that comes with granddaughters crying, laughing, fussing and playing. I will enjoy every minute of it. Why shouldn’t I, I don’t have to discipline them. My job is to love and spoil them. I think I can do that.

So I am pressing on. That’s not negative; it’s just the truth. Life is a marathon, and sometimes usually around mile 14 you wind up pressing on. It’s not the adrenalin of the start or the glory of the finish, but it is just as important because it connects the two. So, I guess this week has been like that. In many ways this holiday season will be hard for all of us, but in many more ways it will bring life to each of us. That’s what Papa wants us to focus on. That’s what I’m doing. So, yes, I am doing well. I’m pressing on.

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