Over all it was a good day today. I was able to get all my homework for BSSM done this morning, and I was able to run outside. The weather was good for outreach, and worship was awesome tonight. So if I just give you the highlights, then it sounds like a very good day. For the most part it was. But when I started this blog, I said that I was going to try and be as transparent as I could be, so if I go past the highlights, then there were some rough patches.
Part of my prophetic art homework is to do a drawing of what God is doing in me this year while I am at school. We are supposed to take at least an hour to draw it. Not the three-minute drawings we have been doing. That’s too bad, because my lack of artistic talent probably leans more to three – minute drawings. Anyway, I was just thinking this morning, seeking god about what He has been doing in my life, and how best to try and draw it. He took me to the verse Isaiah 40:31. Hw told me how he was drawing me close, and that I have to put my hope in Him, and how He will take me up on wings like eagles. I will run and not grow weary, walk and not faint. I saw in my minds eye the picture I was to try to draw. It is a picture of an eagle soaring high above the strong storms, in the clear with the sun shining on it. I know enough about thunderstorms to know that the stronger the storm, the more dangerous it is, but also the stronger the updrafts. The stronger the updrafts, the higher you can soar if you catch them just right. But if you miss them, the downdrafts are right beside them, just as strong to take you crashing down to earth.
As I sketched out the picture, my mind went to the storm I was riding. The death of a spouse is probably the strongest storm one can ride out. As I thought about that, I lost it. All of a sudden, the tears came, and the pain was unbearable. I didn’t try to hold back, I just rode with the down draft for a little while, crying out loud, and at the same time pressing through in my mind, trying to refocus on God and His goodness. It’s the goodness of God that creates the updrafts that allow us to soar above the storms. So even as I was crying, I was thanking Him for His love and compassion. I truly believe this focus shortens the periods of intense grief. I don’t want to stop the cycle of grief, but I do want to shorten the cycle. I don’t want to ride the downdraft down deep into the storm. That is dangerous. In the natural, flying into a big storm is one of the most dangerous things you can do. I believe it is the same in the spirit.
So by thinking of God’s goodness even as I was grieving for Julia I was able to fly through the downdraft, and be caught up by an updraft. The updraft took me back up into the calmness of the heavens above the storm. This is where we need to learn to live. But as I said, the updrafts and the downdrafts are side by side. That’s good, because if you keep pressing in during the downdraft, pretty soon you will hit the updraft.
Tonight Bill Johnson talked about abiding faith. He said that if you set your heart to live in a certain way, you change the atmosphere when you enter the room. When your attitude is to anticipate what God is doing, you are living in abiding faith. That attitude for me is focusing on the goodness of God. I have an abiding faith in His goodness in every situation. It is what allows me to soar into the heavens above the storms of life. I can’t imagine where I would be tonight if I didn’t have this abiding faith as a lifestyle.
Many people blame God. They think He caused their situation. Our religious system has nurtured this belief to justify its lack of faith and power. But by blaming God, they are cutting off the One who can rescue them. They are staying out of the updrafts of the Spirit, and staying in the middle of the storm where there can be no joy, only hurt and anger. I am so thankful to God that He taught me this before I was in this storm. I don’t think I could survive riding down in the middle.
I know that he is causing me to ride on wings like eagles, to run and not grow weary, to walk and not faint. He has also given me a golden key. It’s a key that will unlock the door to my destiny. I have to fight a fight that I didn’t want, and wasn’t looking for. But that’s OK because He will provide me with all the gifts and weapons I need to have victory. I know that my victory will bring freedom to many others. So bring it on.
Well that’s it for tonight. 3AM comes early, and I need a little sleep.