It’s 11PM on Tuesday night. I’ve thought it was Wednesday all day. But I go to school on Tuesday, not Wednesday so that should have given me some clue. I guess that when you work ten periods in ten days, things begin to run together. I do know I am tired. I do work tomorrow afternoon. I have a sozo tomorrow morning. It’s a special case so I agreed to do it. I am praying for refreshing as I get up in the morning. At least I will be off Thursday. I have a lot of things to do before I drive to Mobile for the weekend.
Sometimes you really have to stop and think about the little things. Today after I got through with work about 2:30, I drove to Peachtree City. I had school at 6, so I had a little time to spare. I was hungry and I knew that this was the only time today I was going to be able to eat. I wound up at Ted’s eating a bowl of their delicious Bison Chili. I was eating alone and reading Hedi Baker’s book “Always enough”. This is the book I have to do a book report on for school. The report is due next week, so I really need to finish it. After I ate, I went outside. It was beautiful. What a day not to be able to run. I was sort of bummed out when I saw an empty bench in the sun near Starbucks. The sun and warm air were really calling me to stay outside so I sat down and continued to read. I think that I sat out in the sun for an hour and a half at least. I finished my book, and then took a little nap. That was really a good break, and I needed a good dose of Vitamin D. I got up in time to go into Starbucks for an iced coffee to take to class. So I am thankful for the little things. That short time in the sun did wonders to my mood. Also I was able to talk to Jennifer and Lisa for a little while.
Jennifer and I were talking. She was wondering when it gets to the point that you don’t expect a call from Julia, or expect her to walk into the room. I don’t know the answer to that. I know that it’s got to be hard on both Jennifer and Lisa. They were both very close to their mother, and nothing can replace her. Julia loved them both very much, and would do anything to help them. As I was sitting out in the sun, I was wishing that she was sitting there with me, but since I was at the Avenues, she would have probably been in one of the stores shopping :>) Easter is coming, and I still have cards to get. Julia would have gotten them and had presents for all the kids by now. I’m at a total loss as to what to get them. This is not fun. Its not fair. I do miss her so much. I could dwell on these thoughts for a few minutes and wind up in a very depressed state, but I am going to choose to think about today’s hour in the sun. It really felt good, and I could sense God and His goodness. I can’t stay in the darkness for very long. I have to choose to move into the sunlight. I have the presence of God within me, and I have to allow that presence out. I have to shift the atmosphere from one of despair to one of hope. That is our job as believers. We are light. Light overcomes darkness, even when we think we want to be in the darkness. For me it is a choice that I have to make many times a day. Where do I want to dwell. I can stay in the cave of despair or I can choose to allow the light to warm me. Maybe it’s not that simple, but I am really a simple guy. I carry the presence of God within me. As a believer it is my good to shift the atmosphere, even if it is in my room. The choice I make is to trust in Him, and know that even though it’s not right, it’s not fair and He didn’t cause it; He will use it for His glory and it is my job to partner with Him to see that His justice prevails. My prayer is that I can do this and be an example to my children and friends to try to do the same. We all grieve differently, and we all need to grieve to be healed. But we all also need an hour in the sun to help change the atmosphere.