Sunday, March 21, 2010

Day 70 - Standing on an Chair

In my heart I am standing on a chair. I’ve been standing on a chair for probably over 22 years. Tom’s sermon today was awesome. It was about having an experience with God. We all need to read, ponder and understand, but we need more. We all need to have an experience with God. The New Testament is all about explaining experiences with God. As Tom pointed out today, probably only 2 of the 12 disciples could even read. So was the New Testament built on analyzing knowledge gained by bible study? No! It was written to explain the experiences that the writers had as they related to Jesus and the Holy Spirit. So often we settle for so little when we could have so much. Today I really missed Julia, especially when Tom was talking about Melissa standing on the chair with him. Julia has been sanding on the chair with me for as long as I can remember. It’s hard to be standing alone, yet I know that I am not alone. In fact, as I was praying about this during the sermon, I felt a strong presence. I don’t think it was Julia. It was probably the Holy Spirit, but the bottom line was that I didn’t feel alone. I know now that I have someone standing with me. This is very important! We are not alone. You might be single, divorced, widowed. It doesn’t matter you are not alone. In fact, you have someone, Holy Spirit, standing on that chair with you saying, “go for it”. You have to learn to step off into the air. Daniel uses a video when we sing, “Awaken you Dreamers”. It is about children stepping off the cliff and flying. It is a visual of what God is calling us to do. He is calling us to go to the edge of our comfort zone and step off in faith. We have to fly. God is calling us to fly. To step off the cliff is hard, but we must be willing to do this. I am lucky. I had a wife that always was ready to push me if I hesitated. Of course I was willing to push her too : > ). I just want more of the presence of God.. The Bible says that in His presence is fullness of Joy. All I know is that since Julia’s death, in His presence is life and peace. I feel so happy and at rest when I am surrounded by Him. How do I do that? I just ask Him to come. I ask Him to hold me, and help me deal with whatever it is I have to deal with. At night, I picture Jesus and ask Him to take me somewhere and show me things. Sometimes He does, but most of the time I just feel surrounded by His love. I curl up in the covers and allow myself to get lost in Him. When I am with Him there is no pain, there is no loneliness. I am at peace and I sleep like a baby in the arms of my Father, or a Husband in the arms of his wife. This might sound weird to some of you, but this is the point that you have to get. God is much more than someone far away on a throne looking at you. He is your Father, your brother, your sister, your mother your lover, your friend. Intimacy is the key to entering the Kingdom. It is so important. I’m so sorry that I can’t really adequately explain it. I pray that Holy Spirit will give me better words and explanations as time goes by.
You see, I am slowly realizing an important truth. As much as I love Julia, and as much as I miss her and am lonely for her there is something greater. I am learning about the greater truth. It is a truth that I probably couldn’t have learned if she were still here. It is a truth that comes with a heavy cost. Mot a cost that I was required to pay, but a cost that having paid I can see the worth. That truth is the endless, deep knowing of the love of God. How much He loves me, and how tangible that love is, It’s not knowledge that you read about. It is an experience. The good news is that we can all experience it at any time. We don’t have to pay the cost. Jesus already paid it. The problem is that we have relegated it to knowledge when He wants us to experience Him. So as I go to bed tonight, I will be wrapping myself in His love. It is a love that can shield me form worry, doubt, any problems that I have. I just have to allow myself to stand on the chair and wait.

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