Day 36 - Monday, Monday

Wow, today has gone by fast. So fast that I didn’t even see the 1 – 2 inches of snow that we were supposed to have. I had to work this morning, then had outreach and school tonight. I’ve got to get up at 3AM to be at work by 5AM, and then back up to Acworth for a dentist appointment, then back down south to school. I’m spending the night with my dad in Peachtree City, and then going to Mobile for a few days to see Lisa, Anna Roan and Julia Anne. It’s been almost a month since I saw them, and I am looking forward to it. So it is going to be a quick post tonight since it’s already after 11PM.

Last night was lonely. Valentines Day really didn’t hit me all weekend. I guess I was so busy, and dealing with the snow and all that. It was during my post last night that I really felt the weight of not having Julia near. I really just couldn’t stop writing it once I started. When I finished, I was just lonely and sad for a little while. I just sat by the fire thinking of her, wishing she were here with me. After a few minutes, the overwhelming sense of grief left, and I was OK. I went to bed, and slept well. If I remember correctly, I was missing her, but calling out to God to bring His goodness into my bedroom. He has been so faithful to be there for me, to comfort me, and keep me from spiraling down into the pit of self-pity. Like I said before, the fine line between genuine grief, and self-pity is hard to navigate sometimes. Anyway, last night ended in a good place. In fact I can truthfully say that every night, no matter how much I hurt, has ended in a good place. That is His Grace and Mercy working in me.

In school tonight, we listened to Bill Johnson talk about Revelation knowledge. He said that God is more concerned with who you are than what you believe. Revelation is to take us into a new experience with Him, not just give us more knowledge. He talked about new revelation would cause us to need more anointing to be able to walk into what we learned. I know that as I walk through this grieving process, I am getting more revelation on Him and His love. I have to press into that as a lifestyle so that I can receive more anointing to walk it out. It’s not enough just to get knowledge; we have to make demands on the new revelation in order to walk in it. So I am choosing to walk, live and each more of the goodness of God. I feel it is becoming a life message that will be played out in many ways. I can already see and sense a difference in my life, and the anointing I have to walk in this. If this is part of His Glory, then I want it all, and the price of grief is well worth it. It’s time for bed. 3AM is going to come early.