Today we saw the sun in Atlanta. I think it was the first time in at least a week. It seems like longer than that. It even got up in the low 50’s. It was a perfect day to go for a run. I’ve wanted to go outside for a run for over a week. Today was the day. Only one problem, I was too busy to run. I had outreach down in Tyrone at 3PM. We minister in a trailer park on Monday afternoons. Before that I had to take the envoy to the repair shop and pick up a rental car. The envoy will be fixed by Friday, I hope. Then I had to go to the East Point Police Department to pick up the police report so I can get my deductable back from the insurance company. I also had to go to Target and buy Valentines Cards for everybody. I used to only have to buy one, for Julia, and she would by the rest for all the girls. That took a while. Most of the cards were really cheesy. Anyway, all that took up most of my day. I really don’t know how Julia ever got anything done. Shopping takes forever. I didn’t even by presents. I know I’m out of my league on that score. Gift cards will have to do. Then I went to school. That was the best part of my day.
At BSSM tonight we had John Sheasby. He is from South Africa, and his teaching on being a son instead of a servant is awe-inspiring. It is basically a teaching on the covenant of Grace, and the goodness of God. I don’t have the time nor the words to do it justice tonight. But he says and I believe that most of the church comes into salvation by faith and grace, and then spends the rest of the time trying to earn everything by works. It really makes sense, and I know it ties in so much with our receiving from God and knowing His goodness.
How does the enemy attack us? Think about it, it normally comes as an attack on our identity. When the Devil tempted Jesus how did he come after Him? He said IF you are the Son of God. This was just after God had spoken the words at Jesus’ baptism, “Here is my beloved son …” If he would attack Jesus this way, doesn’t it make sense that he attacks us in the same way. We have to know who and whose we are to withstand these attacks. We spend too much time trying to measure up, to deserve something. We need to learn to receive. In the Old Testament, what did the priest look at when a sacrifice was made? Did he look at the person offering the sacrifice? No! He looked at the sacrifice itself. He looked to see that it was free of blemishes. Jesus was our sacrifice given for us. He was perfect. God is not looking at us. We don’t have to measure up. We have to realize it’s not about us. It was about Him. We have to learn to receive. I have to learn to receive.
I am so thankful for friends. I got a couple of emails today from dear friends. They ministered greatly to me. It’s good to know that as I walk through this, so are others. Julia meant so much to so many people. I know that many are grieving as I am. I just wasn’t to say to each of you that I love you all very much. I’m proud of the way our church as a whole and our friends in particular have dealt with this loss. Last night when we on the healing team were getting prayed for, the Holy Spirit was really blasting me. Someone was praying for me to have more discernment and to be able to see clearly in the Spirit. During that time I felt the Holy Spirit telling me that He was giving me the discernment that I used to count on Julia for. I was getting a double portion to make up for her loss. During that time I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. That word was confirmed tonight at school when somebody told me what they had seen in a dream. I say yes because I know that I need it, and I know that God wants to give it to me.
Today was a sunny day. I enjoyed it, and there were no patches of “fog”. I miss her so much. I know that she isn’t coming back. But for today, the deep pain wasn’t there, and for that and many other blessings, I am thankful.
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