It’s amazing how the little things bring up how much things have changed with me without Julia. When you are married to someone so long, you just always think that they will be there. It’s a continual shock when they are not. Last week I went to join the YMCA and I had to fill out some forms. They were very simple, forma like I had filled out for years. Then I got to a line, “Emergency Contact – name, relationship and phone number”. I was startled. I almost instinctively began to write Julia’s name down. Then I caught myself and I had to really think. Who do I put down? Who is in the best position to know what to do in case of an emergency? My dad lives in Peachtree City, but He really doesn’t know any of my friends or anything about my life up here. Besides he is 85, and I don’t want him to have the brunt of anything that would happen. I have two daughters who are perfectly capable of handling anything, but they are both out of state> I figured I needed someone local who could take an immediate call and then get in contact with my daughters. This was a thought process I wasn’t really prepared to make, and all of a sudden there it was. Just to join the “Y”. Any way, I put John’s number down. He is my closest friend and would know what to do. When you are alone, it’s different. It’s like the best friend you ever had, the one who you took care of, and who took care of you is no longer around.
This is becoming an important point tomorrow morning. I have had impacted wisdom teeth for years. My motto has always been, ”Let sleeping dogs lie”. In other words as long as they were ok, I wasn’t going to do anything with them. Well, last November, one of the “dogs” woke up. So I had oral surgery scheduled. No problem, Julia would go with me, bring me home and put me to bed. Well Julia’s not here, and I am really missing her kind and gentle touch. She was a good nurse for me. I know she was much better than I was to her. So tomorrow morning at 7:45 I go into surgery without her. It doesn’t seem right. It’s not right! Nothing about any of this is right! But that’s the way it is. I’m not worried; I will be well taken care of. John is taking me to the doctor and then taking me back to his house where I know he and Biddie will take very good care of me. I love them, and am very grateful, I really am. But it’s not the same. I really miss Julia right now. She has always been there for me. I really just want to put my arms around he and hug her. All I can do is see myself doing it in my mind.
I’m going to cut this short tonight. I just want to be able to see her, and think about her for a little while. I’ll try to write tomorrow night if I feel up to it after surgery.