Last night I stayed up watching a couple of taped TV programs. It was 1:30 AM when I went to bed. I would not have done that if Julia had been here. This morning, I woke up at 8, but didn’t feel like getting up until after 9. I just didn’t want to move. It was like I didn’t have any reason to get up and get going. Finally I made myself get up and start the day. When you are by yourself, sometimes the motivation to do things is harder than it was when your partner was with you. I have always been able to sleep, and that hasn’t changed. I can still go to sleep easily. It’s just now, the desire and drive to be in bed at a certain time or get up at a certain time is not there. Now if I have to work, that’s another matter. But today was mine, to do with what I could. I wanted to start getting my taxes together, but that didn’t happen. I did get some ironing done, and clothes folded. I’m getting better at folding. I’m still not up to Julia’s standards, but I am improving. I also ran for the first time since I had my tooth cut out. I really wanted to go outside, but it was just too cold. So I went to the “Y” and ran 5 miles on the treadmill. Not an ideal run, but still better than freezing.
I do have some bad news to share. Three of my plants died this week. They died from thirst. I was hoping that I had watered them in time. The looked pretty bad, but I was hoping they would pull out of it. Well, as of tonight, I’ve given up. They are deader than a door nail. So I’m going to have to do better in the watering department.
In training we have people that we call “Subject Matter Experts”. They have researched certain subjects, and you can count on their answers as being right. Well Julia was what I considered a Subject Matter Expert in nutrition. She had a passion for researching what foods were good, and what foods were not good. She read everything she could get her hands on about nutrition. She got this passion form our daughter Lisa, and took it to a new level. Well since I ate what she cooked, I got the benefit of all her knowledge. We began to go organic and eat better probably two and a half to three years ago. We go to a nutritionist, and chiropractor. We take all kinds of supplements, which cost more money than I wanted to pay. The old saying “pay me now, or pay me later” comes to mind. You can either pay for quality food and supplements to keep your health, or you can eat cheap non-nutritious food and pay for the health care you will need. Well we decided we had rather pay up front. The results have been unbelievable. My blood work has improved. My cholesterol is much lower and my sugar levels have dropped. Every area has improved. Anyway, the reason I bring this up is that Julia would really have enjoyed tonight. Dr David took a group of us to Harry’s Market to teach us how to shop nutritionally. Now I know a lot about nutrition. I know more than I do. I want to eat right, but it’s not a passion for me like it was for Julia. So I went mainly to support him and hang out with my friends. I did learn some now things, but I found myself drifting off thinking about what Julia would be doing and what questions she would be asking if she were here. I was looking in the pantry yesterday. We have all these various whole grains, rices and pastas. Julia would use them to make delicious dishes that were nutritionally sound and good for you. I’ll probably have to give them away. I know that I won’t cook like that. I will probably use our vita=mix to make shakes and to juice, but that will be the best I do as fare as nutrition goes. Things are just so different. It’s hard to explain how different. Julia was an excellent cook, and used to experiment on different things. I can cook, but I can eat the same thing all week long, and it’s OK. I haven’t had a chance to cook much in the last four weeks. I’m gone at least four nights a week. I normally out to eat with friends at least once, then I might cook one or two times a week. That’s not very much.
After Harry’s we went out to a Thai restaurant on the square in Marietta. We all had a good time. It was fun, but Julia was never far from my thoughts. I could almost see her entering into the conversation, giving advice about how to fix this dish, or what to eat for the best nutritional value. That’s the odd thing. That’s the thing that I still don’t understand. She was in perfect health. She should still be here right now, but she is not. I can’t rationalize that away. She is not here and I don’t understand. Maybe someday I’ll have some answers. I have to rest in the goodness of God. This was not His plan. Yes he will and is using it, but it was not His plan. Si as I rest in His love and goodness, I ask Him to show me how to allow Him to use me. In His using me, I get to go after the enemy and take back spoils. I get to release the Kingdom of God. That is the important thing now. To see the Kingdom of God released in every area that I am in. So, as I look for tomorrow, I continually pray “Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth (here, now) as it is in heaven."