Today the sozo team helped Tom and Melissa Tanner with their engaged couples retreat. It was Friday night and all morning Saturday at RiverStone. I don’t know how many couples there were at the retreat, but we did sozos on at least six couples. It was a lot of fun. I was paired up with Christina and we did the girl first and then her husband to be. They are getting married in May, less than a month.
It was a great time with both of them. We dealt with issues that would have played a big negative role in their marriage. It was great seeing them connect with Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit. It was even better seeing them deal with issues head on and walk out of the room leaving those issues behind them. Both new the issues, it was interesting to see how one of their issues affected both parties. God is so good, and His love and desire to see His kids clean and hopeful is overwhelming.
As I looked at both of them and their hope for the future I could just see the optimism and joy in their life. It was as if nothing could stop them. They are to young to know about all the hurts and disappointments that can and probably will occur. They are ready to take on the world. Nothing can stop them, especially once they reconnect with Father God.
Watching them, I wonder if I am too old to love like that again. What does that feel like? I felt it once. I had that spark. But what now? Am I being too hard on myself? Should I expect anything less, or am I looking for emotion that only a 20 something can have. Is love when you are my age different? I think it might be, but I’m not sure. If I am to love again, what will that look like? What will it feel like? I don’t want to miss something because I am looking for something that doesn’t exist anymore. But I don’t want to shortchange myself, or someone that might love me, by settling for something less.
So, as I go through this year of transition I really need to know what love looks like. I mean what if it was to come my way and I didn’t know it. Then I would miss what God has for me. I have no real experience. Like in the Godfather, when I met Julia I was struck by a “thunderbolt”. I’m not sure that happens at my age. At the same time there has to be something. The question is, “What is that something”.
Right now I don’t have to know. That is fine, but sooner or later I do need to know. Hopefully Holy Spirit will let me know. I do know this. It doesn’t have to be just like the past. It can be different, but what that means, I’m not sure right now. That thought leaves me resting in the arms of Papa, asking Him to show me what it really looks like. I have to believe that He will answer this prayer.