Today was a good day. I had to work, but it was an easy “seat – fill” where I got to “play Captain” for a First Officer getting training. So I got to fly the simulator for a while as he was trained. It only took two hours. The bad news was that I missed church at the “Stone”. It was an awesome service where one of our missionaries gave a great testimony and challenge to move into the things of the Spirit. But I did get to go to face down tonight. The worship was great. During one song about surrender to God and allowing Him to shape me into His image, I was totally overcome by the Spirit. As I lay on the floor, I was weeping. I was weeping because I wanted so much to be completely like Him, but I was also weeping because Julia wasn’t with me. Both feelings were so strong, and I couldn’t separate them. I finally realized that He didn’t want me to separate them. He was using His presence and my desire to press into Him to also cleanse me of another, deeper level of grief. So I just embraced what He was doing and laid there on the floor for a while. Finally the deep intercession and grief passed. It was over and I was able to continue to worship in joy.
Today was my last day of work for a while. Tuesday morning a bunch of us are going up to Damascus Virginia. It is a small town right on the VA, TN and NC border. It is a mountain town and it is so far removed that AT&T doesn’t deem it worthy of cell service. So, my IPhone will not work until we get closer to the expressway. Well, I hope that I will be able to publish my blog. I think that I will, although I will probably have to go to the local coffee shop to do it. Anyway, we have done this trip for a number of years. We will have a great time riding down the mountain and in the valley to Abington. The trail runs about 34 miles. The first 17 are down the mountain. We will take a tram with our bikes up and ride down. Julia and I have always loved this trip. Tonight before I started writing, I looked at the pictures from last year.
You know, life is so fleeting. We had such a good time last year. She was so healthy and full of life. It’s hard to imagine that five months later she was gone. It’s still hard to imagine. As I look at those pictures, I want to go on the trip. I want to enjoy riding my bike and being with all my friends. But I realize that it’s going to be hard too. Her absence in my life has become normal here. But up there, I will have to get used to it all over. Sometimes I think it would be easier not to go anywhere that I used to go. I’ve gotten accustomed to her not being here. But whether it is on the Virginia Creeper trail, at the beach or at Hilton Head, these are places where I especially have to deal with memories. But these are also places where I like to go, and I am not going to pull back. I will press into life and push into the joy set before me. I know that by pressing into these places, the good memories will flow over me, and I will be blessed by all the joy that we had.
Yes, at times it might be bittersweet. But the key is that it will be sweet. As I step into these memories, they will become mine to embrace and cherish, not just to grieve. So, Virginia here I come. It will be fun and exciting to spend the time up there. For one thing it will be cooler. The food will be good, and the company will be great. This is just another level of healing that I must go through. I will have to find time alone at night to do my blog. I don’t know when I will get it posted, it might be the next morning. Hopefully the internet in the house will work better than it did last year. If that is the case, there should be no problem. At any rate, it will be another adventure.