Sunday, August 8, 2010

Day 210 - It's the 8th Again

It’s amazing how quick the days seem to tick buy. It’s hard to believe another “8th” has come. This is the 7th since Julia died last January. In many ways that seems like an eternity ago; but in just as many ways it seems like yesterday. How long will it continue to be this way? I know that I am being healed, but I worry about Jennifer and Lisa. I especially worry about Adair, Meleah and Anna Roan. What can I do to help them get healed? I don’t know except to pray and then show them how Papa has touched me. Hopefully by seeing me being healed, they can join into the process. I want them to know that God is good. I want them to truly understand that He didn’t cause this in any way. Most of all I want them to grow up demanding divine justice. I want them to grow up knowing that His will is to heal and we have the right and responsibility as believers to call the Kingdom of Heaven down to earth to fight the enemy and release healing and health. That is what I want. That is what I pray that Jennifer and Sean and Lisa and Hernan will go after and teach the girls.

As a grandfather, I have only certain access. I’m not with them all the time. They can see me, and I can model all this. I can leave them a legacy to build on, but it is really up to their parents to bring this to them. So my prayer is just as strong if not stronger for them that they would realize the nature of the calling that they have, and the responsibility that they have to pour this into them. This is not something that you will find in most churches; you have to seek it out. You have to fight for it, and when you get it you have to fight to keep it. Otherwise you just wind up falling back into what is easy and expedient. I know because I have done that.

So, here I am in my rocker alone. The agonizing pain of the earlier months is gone, and I just revel in her memories. But I really do miss her so very much and I still love her so much. I miss her for what she gave to the girls and the grandchildren as much as what we had together. Nothing about this is fair! The enemy doesn’t play fair. But just the severe loss that Jennifer and Lisa have, along with all the grandchildren not having Nana around is really hard to bear. When I just think about me, I am OK. When I think about them it gets harder to deal with. But I have to release all of them to Papa. He loves them so much more than I do, and He makes all things work for good. He will bring good out of this too.

I’m sitting here in the calm before the storm. I work five days this week and then go to Ft Lauderdale for the weekend. It will be good to see Jennifer, Sean and the girls. They haven’t started school yet. Hopefully the weather will be good and we can enjoy the beach or the outdoors some. Then I come home and work the next four days. Before you know it, school will be back in session and time will be very scarce. I just want to rest in Papa’s arms and allow myself to be filled up. I really want to represent Jesus in everything that I do this week. So many times it seems that the desire of my heart and the reality of how I live are so different. I long for the day when I live surrounded totally by His presence and His Kingdom is brought here on earth everywhere that I go.

As I close tonight let me tell you what happened the other night. I believe it was the 6th. I had started writing and had a paragraph or two written. The thought came to me. I forgot! I forgot about the 8th! Today is the 8th and I didn’t even think about it. I was so excited until I realized it was the 6th instead, and the 8th was still two days apart. I had to erase what I had written and start again. Today’s the 8th. I still remember vividly. Someday I might not remember the 8th every month and that will be a good thing. But for today, I do remember and I guess that’s a good thing too.

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