Saturday, May 22, 2010

Day 132 - Choices

Sometimes around the house is seems like nothing has changed. I might be outside, or in the other room, and I almost expect to hear Julia call, or to run into her. It’s almost like a shock back to reality when I realize that that was the “old normal” The “new normal” is that I am by myself here. That is not bad, and I don’t want people to think, “Oh he’s so alone”, because I’m not. I’m just by myself. There is a difference in being alone and being by yourself. You can be alone in a crowd; you don’t have to be by yourself. I’ve felt alone surrounded by friends. I guess I could clarify what I mean by “being alone”. I should probably say lonely. Yesterday morning I was lonely. Today I’m not. The circumstances haven’t changed, but I have. Really it’s just that I have been focused on other things and people more than myself today. Also I have constantly been seeking His presence throughout the day. That doesn’t mean I’ve listened to worship music, read the bible and prayed all day. In fact, today it’s been quite the opposite. I did worship going to work early this morning, and then on the way home from work. But I ran, cut grass, read fixed dinner and watched a movie. All in all it was a pretty busy day. I listened to 60’s music when I ran and cut grass. So what did I do differently than yesterday?

First, I didn’t spend any time continually thinking about the past. Sure, thoughts pass in and out of my mind all day about Julia and the past. I just was thankful for the memory, and pressed into today. Memories are good. I want to always have them. I never want to loose them, but they are not a place to camp for very long. So today I enjoyed the memory and moved on. Second and probably more important, I was stand with Papa and resting in His goodness all day long. Last night at sozo I was able to take the time to draw some prophetic pictures for the individual we were working with. One of the first pictures that Papa gave me was a page divided in half. On the left side was a grey sky with rain coming down. It looked dreary. But there was a purple umbrella closed, not being used in an umbrella stand. The right side of the picture was the same grey sky, sane dreary place. But there was an open umbrella. The umbrella was purple and all the area that was covered by the umbrella was yellow, orange. It was very bright and I thought represented God’s glory. What He told me while drawing that picture was this: The circumstances can be exactly the same, but we have a choice in every situation to rest under His covering, or leave the umbrella closed and not use it.. If we do use it we get so much more than just the protection from the “rain”. We also get to walk in His rest and goodness. That’s because His Glory is His Goodness. It is there for us each time we chose to walk into it. So, today my circumstances were exactly the same as yesterday, but the way I approached the day, and the evidence of His presence was so much different. Choices, it’s the choices we make that make a difference in the day that we have.

I remember the scene from “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” where Indy is in the tomb trying to choose the proper “cup of Christ”. The old knight has two words for him; “choose wisely”. These are the words I have to hear daily, no much more than daily. The choices that I make determine the outcome of my day. That’s true for all of us. You don’t have to be grieving. The choices we make really wind up determining our destiny. God has given us free choice. Why? I think it is because He wants us to have the choice not to choose Him. That makes those who do choose Him so much more special to Him. So as we walk through our day, these words echo among the halls of our lives; Choose Wisely”!

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