It just doesn’t seem right. Here it is Monday night and I am sitting at home. I didn’t go to outreach at the trailer park. I didn’t go to school. Shoot, I didn’t even go to work. I have been off all day. It has really been different. This morning I slept in until a little after 8:30. That was after having a 2 hour nap Sunday afternoon. I must have been more tired than I thought. Today was spent looking for documents and then going to the probate court to file Julia’s will. I’m the executor, and although it will be a fairly simple process, it’s still not fun. I will be glad when this stuff is all over with. I hate having to bring up her death over and over again as I talk to different agencies. Sometimes I think that it might be better to let someone who is not a loved one be the Executor. In fact I did that. Part of thinking about all of this was to go over all of my records and redo my will. It is a simple will, but with both girls living out of state I thought it best to name someone else as executor. The good thing about that is the girls will not have to deal with all of these issues that keep bring up old memories.
It really is odd not going to school tonight. I fixed a nice salad and cut ou one of the extra chicken breast that I had grilled over the weekend and that wa my dinner. I also got a good run in this afternoon after I got back from the Probate Court. I miss seeing everybody at school. I guess I am going through withdrawals. I’m not used to just being home. I don’t work tomorrow either. I’ll use part of the day to get ready to go to Norfolk with Lisa, but that still leaves a lot of time by myself. I think I will go either take a long run at Kennesaw Mountain or go to the Silver Comet trail and ride my bike. I’ve wanted to do both for a long time but either the weather didn’t cooperate, or I just didn’t have the time. I haven’t been on my bike since Julia died. We would have probably gone to Hilton Head last Feb for a week if things had been different. We had been there for the last three years riding in February with John and Biddie. Normally the weather wasn’t’ too cold and it was fun to ride along the trails and on the beach. Last August we went up to Damascus VA for a few days and rode the Whitetop Mountain trail. It was a blast. It had beautiful scenery and over 20 miles of trails to ride. I think I’ll go with another group this summer or early fall. We have been riding bikes for four or five years now. I can’t remember how long. I’m a runner, but Julia didn’t like to run. She likes to walk, but I had rather run. We found that both of us enjoyed biking and it was a good outlet for us and something that we could do together and with friends. Married couples need something that they do together. I don’t believe that they have to do everything together. I certainly wasn’t going to learn to sew. But their needs to be some common activity, something that they can both relax and hang out together. Biking was one of those activities for us. We were both so involved with ministry, individually and together; we needed something to do where we could just to have fun together.
I realized this weekends that special occasions are going to be hard this year. I knew that they were, but I didn’t realize how hard until I spent that Saturday of graduation without her. So, I can see where birthdays, Thanksgiving and especially Christmas are going to be hard. Right now I’m looking for something to make Christmas different. If we make so different than anything we have ever done it might lessen the impact of the great loss we will all feel. I say might because I have no idea. But at least we will all be together as a family. So I am looking to rent a house on Hilton Head so that we can all be together in a place where we have never spent Christmas before. It should be fun. I can rent bikes for the kids and grandkids. We can take walks on the beach; ride bikes hang out, play games and watch movies. The main thing is that we will all be together. So I spent some more time on the computer tosay looking at rental houses trying to find what we need for want I can afford to pay. I think I might have found one. I’ll know in a couple of days.
This has been on of those rambling nights where just about anything goes. It’s been a pretty good day, but I am missing school. I hope my time is filled up better tomorrow or it will be a long day. Well 24 should be about over. It’s time to watch it without the commercials. Only 5 more hours left.