When I think of how much God loves me, I am almost overwhelmed. Today in so many ways He has revealed His great love for me. Tonight when I was in worship at RiverStone, His presence over me was so thick, I didn’t want worship to stop. Then especially once during my message I could sense His presence and His favor. I knew that He loved me so much. It didn’t matter if I was preaching or not. It wasn’t about what I was doing. The thing is, He has always loved me that much, it’s just I haven’t always realized it. I’m not special He loves us all. We just don’t normally take the time or the energy to begin to tap into His live. For the most part, we spend time asking Him for things. He’s a good Papa, and He loves to give gifts, but more than that, He loves hanging out with us. He wants us to spend time with Him, just hanging out.
I don’t really think I am spending much more time in the word, or in intercessory prayer than I was before Julia died. But I am intentionally spending time in His presence. As I do that I have come to feel His presence and know His heart in a much deeper way. How does this work? I’m not sure. I just lean into His presence so many times of the day. I try to be in intentional rest and I work hard at not allowing fear of anything to grip me. I normally, but not always listen to worship music when I’m driving. I talk to him constantly. I sometimes fond myself talking with Julia or myself, but most of the time I am talking with Him.
I know that I am special to Him and I know that I have destiny to fulfill that’s pretty big. But I also know that we are all special and all of our destinies are important. So why, why is He so good to me. Why does He continue to create this “bubble of Grace” that I am living in. I really am blessed and I don’t want anything to change, but I think I can ask a question looking for an answer without changing the dynamics of my life and situation. He has allowed me to have so many good days and good times. As much as I miss Julia, I am not lonely. I don’t really feel alone. Tonight during worship, I thought I saw her out of the corner of my eye. I was so blessed, and thanked God for giving me a glimse of her. I know that she was there as I preached tonight. So I really do live in a bubble of peace and grace. Why me?
I think I am living like this because of a couple of reasons. First God is looking for people who will test Him in His goodness. He wants His goodness spread abroad at this time. People need to know that God loves them, and He can walk them through anything. By making a public declaration of His goodness at Julia’s celebration service and by stating out loud that I was going to do a blog this year about my walk and healing I made myself a target. I made myself a target for the enemy but I also made myself a target for God. He in His wisdom and glory has chosen to use me to show that He is good, and we can walk through tragedy reflecting His love. He allows me to experience a great measure of His presence and grace. I believe this is what He wants to release on all believers, but somebody has to walk it out proving that it can be done. Does this make me “super spiritual”? Of course not! What it does is make others more aware of His love as they see me walking through the valley of the shadow of death. As others watch me walk through this and hear my heart as they read my blog they will come to know God in ways that they thought were unimaginable. So I believe God is showing His strength through our weakness.
Someone had a word for me today. It was about the divine protection that I have been getting. I am so blessed for His presence. I am so thankful for His annoing as I spoke tonight. He is an awesome God, and He loves me very much. But he loves you a lot too!