I was walking around “old town” Portsmouth early this evening. We were looking at all the restaurants, and museums and particularly admiring an old Episcopal church and it’s beautiful garden and cemetery when it hit me. Just last October, Julia and I were doing the same thing at Williamsburg. We were both talking about history and how much there was to see and do up in this area. We had talked about going to Boston sometime this summer. In all our travels, Julia had never been to Boston and she really wanted to see it. It would have been a great trip. She would have loved it. She would have loved today. I spent much of the day holding Julia Anne. She will be 4 months old next week and a 4 month old doesn’t have a lot of patience for getting in and out of cars and looking at different houses. It was extremely hot here today. I think it was around 94. Whatever it was it was definitely hot.
We left around 8AM. We had a 9:30 appointment across the bay in Suffolk. We had no idea how long it would take us, especially after the traffic we ran into last night. We were there probably a half hour early, but we used that time to drive around the area and check it out. Lisa particularly liked this area because of where it is located in regards to her work and also the amenities that this particular neighbor hood has in it. We looked at two different dwellings. It looks like if she gets in this area, which she is hoping for, she will be in a condo. It’s very nice, and a short walk from a park and a pool. There are shops close by, and a Starbucks. So I definitely hope that’s the one. We still have one more day tomorrow and we will look at some other things, but hopefully this will be it.
I didn’t realize how much energy it took being with a little newborn all day. When we got back tonight, I realize that I am worn out. I really don’t have the energy level like I used to have. Of the big three, time, energy and passion, I still have 24 hours in a day. I still am full of passion. It’s the energy that is lacking. That is where I have to watch out. I have to realize that I can’t do everything n one day that I used to do. That’s hard for me because I still have the same level of Passion, so I try to do it all. I’ve got to plan smarter and play smarter. This is a good lesion. I’ll try to remember it next week when I start working 19 out of the next 22 days. Well maybe I’ll learn soon. I know that I can do everything I need to do; I just have to work smarter than I have been. After we had looked at properties all day, we drove into Portsmouth. We saw the building that Lisa will be working in. It should take her about 15 – 20 minutes to get to work if she lives where she thinks she wants to. The federal building is right on the Bay, and right in the middle of “Old Town”. We ate dinner there tonight and had great blackened flounder. It’s a neat place with a lot of shops and restaurants. Lisa will enjoy working in that area. Like I said, I spent most of my time holding, rocking, walking or doing whatever it took to keep Julia Anne happy today. She is a jewel, and when she laughs it is just great. But she does have a temper. She might be a lot like her namesake. Julia was a jewel, and could laugh, but believe me you didn’t want to cross her when she was angry. She did have a temper. So, Julia might have more of “Julia” in her than we realized.
I an asking myself this question tonight: What right now am I missing the most? In other words, in what area am I constantly wishing she were here? I want to say all areas, and I’m sure that is the right answer. But really where am I most needy? I really think it is in just being able to hold her hand, look into her eyes and asking her what she thinks about something. I know what I think. I know my tendencies and my weaknesses. I know my strengths. What I really miss is her perspective on an issue. I would love to just pick her brain and get her to share her discernment with me. I found myself today at least three times that I know of asking her like she was there. “What do you think I should say to Lisa? Or maybe it was should I do anything about that, or just wait? Little things like that. I know that I have Holy Spirit and He is teaching me and giving me discernment. But it still doesn’t feel the same. I’m fine, and learning to hear Him better. But I really miss Her voice and the calmness that she would share most of the time. I know that the girls miss her too. As much help as I have been to Lisa this week, I still can’t take the place of her Mom, but I wouldn’t want to either.