Saturday, June 12, 2010

Day 153 - Busy Weekend; Great Peace

I had a busy weekend with a nice quiet night at home. Las night we had 8 people from New Heritage church in Moultrie for sozos. It was a good night, and I think the sozos went well. You never really know when you are doing leadership from another church. Sometimes the people have been forced to have a sozo and that usually doesn’t work so well. But these went well. They and a few other people from Moultrie stayed for our Saturday Morning of Healing prayer. They wanted to see our model again, and it was a good morning. We prayed for them and another 15 people. So, last night I got home, wrote my blog and watched a little TV and went to bed. This morning we had Healing prayer, and then we meet for lunch with people from Bethel Redding, Bethel Atlanta, Daystar and RiverStone to talk about Sozo and doing things together on a Regional basis. It was a good lunch and time of sharing ideas and getting to know each other better. After going to Starbucks for a meeting after the meeting, the day was pretty much gone. Then John and Biddie came over and John and I loaded up the car for our trip to Mobile tomorrow. We are taking some stuff down to Lisa and bringing some things back on Monday. It will be a quick trip and I’m glad that John will be going down with me.

At lunch I had one of the ladies that didn’t know me asked me if my wife worked. She saw my wedding ring and I guess she was curious where Julia was. As I explained, I could she that she was pained much more than I was. I didn’t mind explaining, I just hated that she felt so bad. I find myself having to comfort those who are just finding out, or have seen Julia and I earlier, but haven’t seen me since her death. It seems weird. They are so upset, and I am at peace. There is always that awkward silence when they are trying to figure out what top say to me. Of course there is still the question ”Are you all right?” Like I’m lying when I say that I am. Then people say you are so brave. I really want to tell them that bravery has nothing to do with it; it is God’s grace. I really want to tell them a lot of things that I don’t say. I’ve learned jut to smile and say “Thank You”. Anyway, it wasn’t her fault, and I could see how bad she felt as I told her what happened.

After we had finished loading the car and everyone had left, I grilled some corn on the cob and a small steak for dinner. It was great. I watched a movie. The X men: Wolverine, the origins. No, I know that it probably will never win any academy awards and probably has no redeeming value, but I liked it, and it kept me interested. I guess that is one of the few rewards of living by yourself. I can watch any movie I want and listen to it as loud as I want. It’s really not a very good trade off when you think about it. I did talk with my girls. I usually talk to them once a day, and It is good to have the connection. They are both getting ready to move, and I can tell that they are both stressed to some degree. I wish that I could do something to help. Julia would have been a big help for both of them. Her absence is leaving a gaping hole in their lives right now, and I can’t really do anything to fill it. I pray that in the midst of all they are doing, they will be able to press into Papa God’s presence. That is where true peace lies, and it is where they will be able to rest in the midst of chaos.

I filled out my application for second year ministry school the other day. I really can’t wait. In some ways I feel like a college kid going into his senior year. I know that this next year is crucial, but I have no idea what will come after it. I have some glimpses, but nothing is set in stone. It’s like Papa is giving me so many options. He is saying “Tom, what is the desire of your heart? What is your dream? You can have it, but you have to name it.” Right now, I can’t name it. It is too nebulous. It has to be refined. This next year will refine it. I know that by this time next year, an new course and new direction will be set. The question is this, “How far off will the new course be from the one that I have been on until now?” That is the question that I can’t answer. I can see a course very close, and I can see a course very different. I will have to seek His presence and His guidance to fine-tune my heart in this next year. But one thing I do know. I will have an answer, because He wants me to fulfill the destiny He has for me.

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