It is very late. I have 40 minutes to write and get this posted on Monday. I will keep this short tonight, and try to fill in some details later.
How do you grieve? What is grief? These are two questions that I have been wondering about. I know that I could probably read counseling books on the subject and fill my head with knowledge. Then I would know whether I was “doing it right” or not. I thought about that. And I won’t rule it out, but for now I had rather go with my heart. So when my heart tells feels like crying, I cry. When my heart feels like laughing, I laugh. I did both today, with gusto. If you are going to do something go all out. Don’t hold back. I know there are times when I can’t let go. When I’m at work I have to just concentrate on the task at hand. But I know when the tears are near, so when I can, I let them flow. The bible says to mourn with those who mourn. It’s OK to grieve, and feel the pain of loss. But what is not OK is to let it move from the pain of loss to self-pity. When we focus on ourselves to long, it can do that. So for me, when the sense of loss becomes too great I release my grief in tears, but end it by focusing on good memories of Julia and the goodness of God. I think one of the worst times is when I wake up in the morning and realize that I am in am empty bed, that I can’t reach over and touch Julia. I realize that on this side of Heaven I will never be able to touch her again. I normally lay there for just a few minutes reflecting on the loss, then get up and start the day. I wonder how long this will last. I don’t mind it, in fact I’m not sure I want it to end.
Today I got an email from a friend. It was a letter from Graham Cooke. For those of you who don’t know, Graham is from England and lives now in California. Many people, including me, believe him to be a prophet. He has written several books, and has a major ministry through out the world. Graham was talking about an untimely death of his churches leaders daughter. What he shared in his letter was much of what I have shared at the celebration service for Julia. It mirrors my belief about the goodness of God, and my call for Divine Justice. So I’m going to end with a fairly long quote from him. This quote is my heart for what God is calling us as a body, and me in particular to. I invite you to join me in going after the Glory of God and pursuing His Justice.
"As a community this tragedy has united us and defined who we are going to be. It has called us up to a new place…brought an ascension in the Spirit.
We are going after:
Heaven on Earth
Being made in His image
As He is, so are we in this world
Greater things shall we do
We will go after the Glory of God and trust His Justice. We will embrace His Nature, His love, Mercy, Grace, Kindness and Joy. We will choose to view our life through the eyes of His Goodness. We will go after Resurrection, Healing, Miracles, Power and Abundance until we see it, we apprehend it, and it becomes a normal occurrence. We want this fight!
We are in the process of making new decisions that define us as a community. We are not going back."