Warriors

Warriors – the dictionary has this definition:

war·ri·or  wawr-ee-er, wawr-yer, wor-ee-er, wor-yer] Show IPA

noun

1.

a person engaged or experienced in warfare; soldier.

2.

a person who shows or has shown great vigor, courage, or aggressiveness, as in politics or athletics.

So are you a warrior?  I know that I am.  No, I am not at war physically.  I have been in the past, but not now.  But as a believer, and a son of the King, I am at war spiritually.  Our enemy came to steal, kill and destroy.  I make war through my love.  That’s totally different, and almost impossible to do without the love of Christ in your heart.  But I am still a warrior.  Warriors don’t’ rum from trouble, they embrace it.  Warriors don’t hide from conflict, they engage in it.  Warriors don’t’ try to escape the situation.  No, they use the situation to mold them into better and stronger warriors.

Tonight we saw a presentation by Graham Cooke.  He talked about us being warriors, and I realized that I have become one.  Baby Christians worry about having their needs met, mature Christians move into their inheritance.  There is a big difference.  We have to learn to embrace whatever situation we are in.  God might not have put us in that situation, but He will use it.  That doesn’t mean we need to stop praying for healing.  Quite the contrary: He wants to give us victory over it, and to get it we have to contend for our victory.   When we first get into a situation, obviously we try to get out of it.  But if we find ourselves in it for a long while, then we have to begin looking at what we can learn abd how we can grow, while at the same time contending for change. 

In the midst of our greatest challenges, will come our greatest victories.  Yes, we contend and contend again.  We have to learn to relish the fight and continue to press into all that He is doing.  We are all called to the fight, all called to be warriors.  Wheter we engage or not, that is totally up to us.  The problem is that if we choose not to engage this time, there will always be a next time.  So we may as well learn to fight and stand for something that is worth fighting for.

Coming Alive

It’s been over two years since Julia’s death, and I have been healed in so many ways.  Much of my life is back to normal, or at least a “new” normal.  God is so good, and I can’t thank Him enough for carrying me through the hard times.  I am so blessed to have Sheryl.  I never thought that I could love again, but I can.  I couldn’t ever seeing myself being happy again, but I am.  Who knows what life will bring to each of us, but this I do know.   He does make all things new, and He does work all things for good to those who love Him, even the pain and grief of losing your lover and best friend. 

Sometimes I just find myself sitting back like I am out of my body and I am looking at myself watching all that is happening.  I am totally amazed by what I see and feel.  I wish my girls could have what I have.  I pray that they will get it in time.  I have been healed in almost all areas, and now I find myself coming alive in probably the last area that was left numb.  I am exercising with a passion again.  Before Julia’s death, I was running with a passion.   I had completed the “Goofey” Marathon and half marathon race in 2008 and that burned me out on long distance, but I was still enjoying running and staying in shape.  But after her death, it seemed like running was just something I did out of duty, not for fun.  I didn’t care about my body.  As I look back, I realize it was because I really didn’t care how long I lived.  Even though God was there, it seemed like it was just as easy to not be here as it was to be here.  I wasn’t suicidal or anything, I was just numb.

I could tell it in my eating and in my exercise.  I wasn’t the same.  Even after I married Sheryl, I still wasn’t the same in that area.  It was a numbness that had taken over that part of my life.  I can’t put my finger on when it changed, when the numbness left.  Maybe it was as I grew even closer to Sheryl, but I found myself really wanting to live again.  I had had dreams before, but now those dreams meant even more.  I found myself looking at what I was doing, and not being happy.  I know better.  I know that I need to exercise and I needed to eat properly.  Once again I wanted divine health.  I want to live a long time, and I need to be in shape and in good health to enjoy it.  The numbness was lifting.  I knew it was lifting when I had the urge to train for a marathon.  I know what a commitment it would take to train; yet I started at the end of January.  Wednesday I completed a 17-mile run.  I’ll do 18 next week and work my way up to 20 miles before the marathon.  That means I am running anywhere from 25 – 30 miles a week. 

Things are great; I am alive.  The training is kicking in, and the weight is slowly beginning to come off.  Sheryl and I are going to the gym three days a week to work out.  It’s like a layer of cellophane that had me bound up has been cut away.  It truly feels good to be alive.  I don’t know whether it is just being married, or moving down here to Peachtree City,  but things are changing for the better.  I know that I will be fine in all areas now.  Life is full and exciting, and I am so blessed to have a part to play in all that God has in store.  Yes, I think that this is the last area to come alive, and for a long while, I didn’t even realize it was dead.   

Goodbye to an Old Friend

Today I said goodbye to an old friend.  You know cars are inanimate objects.  They really are not fun to buy because the minute you drive them off the showroom floor, they loose value.  That is why I will never buy another new car.  From now on, when I buy a new car, it will be new to me, but used by someone else first.  In 1999 I bought a new Mazda Miata right off the show room floor.  It was a beauty, state of the art.  The Miata had just changed body styles, and it was beautiful.  I had always loved the Miata, and had leased a 96 model, thinking I would get it out of my blood.  But it only made me want one more.

So, when the lease was up. I went and bought the ’99 Miata.  I figured that I would drive it until I retired and then I would get something sensible.  It was a fun car to drive.  I put 191,455 miles on it, and I enjoyed every one of them.  It was always dependable.  I think that in over 12 years, I broke down only twice and had only one flat tire.  It has had minimal maintenance and was very easy to drive.  The power wasn’t great, but it was so much fun to take around corners and to shift the short throw gear shift.  Yes, I really did enjoy that car.  But over the last year, she has been getting very tired.

The speakers and sound system were going bad, and there was a constant hiss in the background.  The leather seats has long since worn out and covered with sheepskin.  Now the power windows would barely work, and it seemed that more and more things were going wrong.  With over 190k miles; the engine was on borrowed time.  At one time I thought of rebuilding the engine, but I was really looking at rebuilding the whole car.  That would cost too much.  So, today I sold the car to CarMax.  I couldn’t bring myself to sell it to an individual.  There was too much wrong with it for me to do that.  I felt like CarMax gave me a good and fair price and so I drove it to the dealership with the top down.  The sun was shining, but it was cold.  It was still fun, and as I drove I remembered some of the trips and good times that I had with this car.  So, I lost an old friend today and I was sad to see her go, yet I knew that it was time.

So, what did I replace her with?  I’m glad you asked.  I now have a 2006 copper red Mazda Miata.  It has 50,000 miles on it, so it is barely broken in.   I am excited because this is the new model that started in ‘06 and it is totally different, yet very similar.  So, I’m still not old enough for practicality when it comes to cars.  I guess that I just like to have the sun shining down on my head and feel the wind blowing through my hair (lol). 

Will I become as attached to this car as my last one.  It probably depends on how she runs.  If she is dependable and stays fun to drive; I foresee a wonderful long lasting relationship.  I hope I am still able to get in and out of this one in 12 years.  We shall see.

Infected and Contagious

I was running the other day, and I had a long time to think and meditate on things.  I was asking Father God about my life and my dreams, and how come they are so much different than my peers.  He told me that “I was infected.”  I thought OK, so what does that mean.  Then He told me that I was contagious too.  That really got my attention.  Infected? What with?  I can understand being infected with strep throat, and being contagious with it.  You have to stay isolated until you are not contagious anymore.  Well He told me “I would always be contagious.”

But I still wasn’t sure what He was talking about, and then He began to have my life flash back before my eyes as I ran.  I was saved when I was nine, but it wasn’t until 1981 that I was filled with the Spirit.  The next thing that happened was that I got connected with the Vineyard.  I was being drawn into a kingdom mindset and began to seek more after the things of the Holy Spirit, you know, the way out things that we don’t’ necessarily think about in traditional denominations.  That began to draw me in, but I still wasn’t infected.

I became infected in 1994 when the renewal broke out in Toronto.  I can trace the infection that has impacted my life back to that one visit.  It was summer of 94 and the revival had been going on every night since early January.  In fact, it’s still going on up there right now, 18 years later.  It was there that I first felt the Holy Spirit move in a tangible way.  I mean moving corporately, not just on one person.  That is what infected me.  I had to be in that environment.  I couldn’t live without it. 

Once you have tasted and partaken of it, that is all you want in a service, and you are never satisfied if you don’t have it.  Normal services don’t work for you anymore.  You are always looking, hunting for His presence.  You know that you are infected when you will drive 50 miles and bypass hundreds of churches just to be at one where He occasionally shows up.  You wind up surrounding yourself with other people who are infected also.  It’s fun, but you have no choice.  It’s the only thing that satisfies you. 

But there is a big difference between being infected and being contagious.  If you are infected, you could be safe to be around other’s who are not infected.  What you have won’t hurt them; it might not spread to them, you are no risk.  But, on the other hand, if you are contagious, you are dangerous.  You can be dangerous to those who are not infected.  Being contagious means that we are able to spread the infection to others.  I am contagious because I carry His presence in my life.  Everything that I do, I do to spread His Kingdom.  As such, I know that His presence goes with me.  It’s about His presence, It always has been about that, we just lost our focus.  But I am focused, and others like me are as well.  So, I know that I have His presence with me, and I know that if I carry His presence, then I can change the atmosphere wherever I am.  That is why I am contagious.  I’m dangerous to those who aren’t yet infected.  If they hang around me long enough, they will be.  I’m glad that I am contagious.  And I am glad I am infected.  Life would certainly be dull if we weren’t releasing the Kingdom and changing the atmosphere.  It’s a new day, and I am so glad to be a part of it.

Post Number 693

It’s been two years.  Two years since I started this blog.  In the past two years I have made 693 posts.  That means that I have written all but 37 days in the past two years.  The blog has almost 32000 hits on the internet from many different countries over the world.  I don’t think that I have that much to say, but I have been blessed with more people reading it than I ever thought possible.  I didn’t really start to have people read it, but I have enjoyed it.

But, change is inevitable and this is a good time to make the change.  After two years the thought of doing a nightly post is really tiring.  My life has changed dramatically and there is too much going on to keep the quality high.  So, I am doing away with the daily posts.  I tried to do that last year, but I probably wasn’t ready.  Now I am.  I still plan on writing, just not as often.  Hopefully that way, my thoughts will be clearer and there will be greater insight and revelation.  So, for those of you who still want to follow this blog, I suggest the following.  Check the blog twice a week.  I plan to try and post by Wednesday and Saturday each week.  It might vary, but it should be around there, and twice a week should keep you caught up.  That is about what I plan on writing.  Sometimes if things come up I might write more, but probably not less.

I want to thank each of you who have walked with me through this journey and prayed for me.  Your support has been invaluable.  I’m not leaving, I enjoy writing too much, but there are many other things that are taking a lot of my time now, and I its time for a course correction.  Two years has brought a lot of healing.  God is good, and He is in a good mood.  Goodnight.

God is so Good

Tonight I want to reflect back some on the last two years.  It’s hard to believe that Julia died two years ago tonight.  That night was the lowest valley I think that I have ever been in.  Sometimes I look back and I just don’t believe how I got through it.  The utter shock of seeing someone who was so full of life and so vibrant, gone.  Yes, hone in what seemed like an instant.  That night I had a choice to make.  What was I going to do, was I going to blame God for this tragedy. Or was I going to choose to run into His arms and let Him carry me.  I thank Him that I had been learning and studying about His true nature.  I am so thankful that I knew that He wasn’t responsible and that I know of His goodness.  I had experienced it in a small measure, but I had no idea that He was as good as He is.

That first year, especially that first six months, I basically went to sleep with Him every night. He was always in my thoughts, and it was always about His love and His goodness.  I missed Julia so much, but His love and His comfort were there with me constantly.  I didn’t want to be with anyone, but He was there, holding me and watching over me.  It was if His Spirit was there, as a salve covering my deep wounds.  I had a choice, do I hold onto the past and try to keep things the way they were, or do I begin to try and heal, try to live again.  The school played a big part in my healing, as did my friends.  But really it was my learning to release Julia to Father God that really began my healing.

We can hold onto things and to people long after it is safe and healthy to keep them.  I could grab onto Julia’s memory, my memory of the way things were and live there, or I could release her and allow Father God to shift my memories and remove the pain from them.  You see, if I held onto her memory from that moment, then every memory would be filled with the pain of loss.  But by releasing Her to Father God, I released all the pain, and over time, He gave me memories back, but without the pain.  He is so good, we just have to allow Him to work with freedom in our life.  His goodness to me is so overwhelming.  I never thought that I could love again.  I truly thought that I would never be able to find room in my heart for anyone else.  But H had other plans.

He expanded my heart to make room for more love.  Why?  I believe because He has plans for me that needed a place for more love.  Anyway, He then connected me in ministry to a wonderful woman that Julia and I had met in November.  The rest is history, Sheryl has come into my live, a gift from my Father to be with me in this next phase of my life.  As much as I loved meeting Him every night that first year, He knew that I needed more of His love while I was here.  So He sent her to me.  My love for her is so great.  It’s something that I never thought I could experience again. I know that if I hadn’t given my memories of Julia to Him, He couldn’t have prepared me for this. 

It’s all about His goodness, but we play a part.  We have to choose to move forward and mot to stay locked in the past.  I still miss Julia, and tonight I do honor her.  But I see her all the time.  I see her especially in my girls.  They carry so much of her inside them.  Even my granddaughters carry some of her.  But now, I can see her and still love Sheryl.  That is as it should be, and I know that Julia is happy with this. Today at church, we sang “Love Came Down”.  That was my song that I listened to for a year as I wrote this blog about her.  But today it was sung is an upbeat fast arrangement.  It was like it was being performed just for me.  He wanted me to celebrate her life and His love.  I could do this, because He taught me about His goodness.

Never be afraid to release something to Him.  He will only give it back to you in a better way.  That is what He did with my memories and pain.  That is what He will do for you if you will let Him.  You see, He is really that good!

Tempest in a Teapot

Today I wanted to take a ride on my Harley, but I guess we have been traveling too much, because the battery was dead when I went to start it.  Well, the battery is hidden behind a cover that is almost impossible to get off, so I guess I will have to either find someone who knows what they are doing or take it on a trailer to the dealer.  So, I didn’t get to ride today.  I did get a workout in at the gym.  That was OK. 

I go back to work tomorrow.  I am blessed to have a job that gives me so much flexibility.  It was an interesting week though.  We got a letter giving us a 2 percent raise, but canceling our usual bonus of 6%.   I know math, and this doesn’t seem like a raise to me.  Anyway, I have never seen such an uprising in the ranks of the DGS instructors.  Really it wasn’t about the money, we get paid pretty well for what we do.  It had more to do with respect and honor.  The instructor group as a whole felt dishonored.  The way it was handled by management was not good. 

Management said that it was because of the economy.  Really it’s because they felt they could do it.  We are professionals and it doesn’t change the way we train or teach, it really doesn’t affect our paycheck all that much.  But once again a company loses its goodwill and trust by going after a few dollars.  Bill Johnson said something a few days I go.  He said that there was nothing wrong with Capitalism except Capitalists .   He also said that there was nothing wrong with Socialism except Socialists.  In other words, there will always be those who try to take advantage of any system.  Greed is what will ruin any system, and greed is rampant in America. 

So, the question for me is how do I react, and how can I bring the Kingdom of God into this situation.  First, my source is not Delta Airlines or this job.  Thank God I finally learned that lesson.  So, it doesn’t matter what they pay me.  I work for the King, and I am His representative here.  So, I will continue to give my best and do all that I can do to provide Delta with quality pilots.  Did I feel dishonored?  Yes, but once I put my eyes back on my source, it was like water running off a ducks back.  No, I think that I have learned over the past few years not to let things shake me; especially things where I have no input. 

It will be interesting to watch how all this plays out.  If it’s like everything else, it will be liked a tempest in a teapot.  Anyway, I have an A period in the morning, and I really am glad that I have this job.  It is a gift from God, and I will never take it for granted.