Friday, January 27, 2012

Coming Alive

It’s been over two years since Julia’s death, and I have been healed in so many ways.  Much of my life is back to normal, or at least a “new” normal.  God is so good, and I can’t thank Him enough for carrying me through the hard times.  I am so blessed to have Sheryl.  I never thought that I could love again, but I can.  I couldn’t ever seeing myself being happy again, but I am.  Who knows what life will bring to each of us, but this I do know.   He does make all things new, and He does work all things for good to those who love Him, even the pain and grief of losing your lover and best friend. 

Sometimes I just find myself sitting back like I am out of my body and I am looking at myself watching all that is happening.  I am totally amazed by what I see and feel.  I wish my girls could have what I have.  I pray that they will get it in time.  I have been healed in almost all areas, and now I find myself coming alive in probably the last area that was left numb.  I am exercising with a passion again.  Before Julia’s death, I was running with a passion.   I had completed the “Goofey” Marathon and half marathon race in 2008 and that burned me out on long distance, but I was still enjoying running and staying in shape.  But after her death, it seemed like running was just something I did out of duty, not for fun.  I didn’t care about my body.  As I look back, I realize it was because I really didn’t care how long I lived.  Even though God was there, it seemed like it was just as easy to not be here as it was to be here.  I wasn’t suicidal or anything, I was just numb.

I could tell it in my eating and in my exercise.  I wasn’t the same.  Even after I married Sheryl, I still wasn’t the same in that area.  It was a numbness that had taken over that part of my life.  I can’t put my finger on when it changed, when the numbness left.  Maybe it was as I grew even closer to Sheryl, but I found myself really wanting to live again.  I had had dreams before, but now those dreams meant even more.  I found myself looking at what I was doing, and not being happy.  I know better.  I know that I need to exercise and I needed to eat properly.  Once again I wanted divine health.  I want to live a long time, and I need to be in shape and in good health to enjoy it.  The numbness was lifting.  I knew it was lifting when I had the urge to train for a marathon.  I know what a commitment it would take to train; yet I started at the end of January.  Wednesday I completed a 17-mile run.  I’ll do 18 next week and work my way up to 20 miles before the marathon.  That means I am running anywhere from 25 – 30 miles a week. 

Things are great; I am alive.  The training is kicking in, and the weight is slowly beginning to come off.  Sheryl and I are going to the gym three days a week to work out.  It’s like a layer of cellophane that had me bound up has been cut away.  It truly feels good to be alive.  I don’t know whether it is just being married, or moving down here to Peachtree City,  but things are changing for the better.  I know that I will be fine in all areas now.  Life is full and exciting, and I am so blessed to have a part to play in all that God has in store.  Yes, I think that this is the last area to come alive, and for a long while, I didn’t even realize it was dead.   

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